I have discovered that our home search is a bit clouded with fear. Fear that we would buy a house that would somehow prevent us from growing our family.
If the house is too small, there would be no room to expand. This is a two sided fear. First, there is the fear that the home could actually be too cramped if we were to expand our family. Second, is that even if we would be comfortable with the smaller home, our home study would be denied for lack of space. If we do choose to try to expand our family we will likely choose to start on the same path as before – embryo adoption through the NEDC. We know that this route has a 30% or so chance of multiples. So when considering trying to expand our family we have to at least in a small part ask if the house could accommodate five people (if we were ever to be so blessed).
On the other hand, if we were to buy a house that is too large (and thus too expensive), this could limit our ability to save money for a future embryo adoption. Also, if we buy a house with too many projects we could find ourselves spending extra money on home improvements rather than saving. And then of course there is the typical concern for simply the cost of raising additional children.
Through recognizing that our home search is affected by fear, I have also realized that my career choices are likewise affected. Currently, my employment is though the state. I get state benefits, which include 3 weeks of vacation a year, 3 weeks of sick leave a year and protection under the FMLA for maternity leave. Although I love my job, the pay is low, there is no potential for advancement and there is no raise in sight. If I were to work for a private firm (I am an attorney, btw), I would work more hours and be paid better. And, I would have the potential to become a partner in the firm. However, I would give up the substantial leave time and would no longer be entitled to FMLA for maternity leave. I often consider my professional aspirations, but never without the question of family building in the back of my mind. More money would help us afford embryo adoption, but at what cost?
I know that balancing finances, work, and family are normal concerns for even a fertile gal. It’s just the added pressure of the home study (did you know you have to get an employer recommendation as part of the home study?), the cost of treatments, the potential for multiples, and the frequent doctor visits that complicates things.
3 comments:
We are kind of in the same situation. We are in the process of trying to sell our house so we can build. We have changed our houseplan several times because we aren't sure how many bedrooms and all to have since we aren't sure what the future holds as far as children. Your concerns are valid but we also have to trust the Lord to open and close doors according to His plans for us. Definitely keep praying for His guidance. (And yes, we did have to have an employer reference for our homestudy.)
Wow, I didn't realize that you needed to do a homestudy for embryo adoption. You don't need to do that to use a sperm donor! Or to do fertility treatments with your own genes.
It is kind of striking that you have to think about all that. In contrast, we're living in a 2-bedroom house right now (900 square feet). I'm sort of assuming our kids will share a room when #2 arrives, and then maybe when they get older we'll fix up the basement to be a master bedroom. But we've only just started thinking about that part of things.
Anyway, your housing search sounds so frustrating! I hope you find something affordable that you like, and get an offer accepted soon.
I dont know anything about embryo adoption, it that different than getting someone to donate embryos to you?
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