Happy Easter

HE is RISEN! Praise God! As I've mentioned before, Easter is my favorite holiday. I just feel so fulfilled and blessed on Easter Sunday; no other holiday can compete!

This morning in church as Leland snuggled and kissed on me I was overwhelmed with what a generous and loving Heavily Father we have to have blessed me so immensely. Then my heart ached for those with empty arms. I prayed for each of you, especially those who have experienced loss this week. My you find peace, joy and comfort in our risen Lord!

Easter Fun

Easter is my favorite holiday. It has been since I was a little girl. We finally got out the boxes of Easter decorations and Leland has had a great time playing with the bunnies and eggs. This weekend we are going to an Easter egg hunt hosted by one of his new classmates and I am admittedly way more excited that I probably should being.

Here is a cute video of Leland playing with the Easter baskets, bunnies and eggs:

(Watch for a brief appearance by our cat Archer)

Converations with Leland: 5:55 AM Edition

Leland wakes up most morning about 6:30 am. When he gets up in the morning we go to my bed to nurse, snuggle, read books, etc. Most nights he wakes to nurse between about 4-5 am. We nurse in the rocker in his room and (thankfully) he returns promptly to sleep once he is done.

Yesterday morning he woke at 5:55 am.

This was his first awakening since going to sleep the night before. It was a little early to be "morning" but I had to leave the house an hour early for a court hearing so I figured it was a good thing he was waking up early and decided I would treat it as morning (diaper change, talking, etc. versus just nursing him back to sleep).

I changed his diaper and picked him up. He pointed to the rocker...

ME: You want to go nurse in the rocker?
LELAND: Side (one of Leland's words for milk/nursing)
ME: Don't you want to go to my bed to nurse?
LELAND: No
ME: You want to nurse in your room?
LELAND: *grunts* (again pointing to the rocker)
ME: Are you sure you don't want to go to my room?
LELAND: No (still pointing to the rocker)

Having accepted his preference for nursing in the rocker was unwavering, I gave in and took him to the rocker to nurse. He nursed for about 10-15 minutes .... and went back to sleep!

It seems I was the one confused. 5:55 am is not morning; it's the middle of the night. And in the middle of the night we nurse in the rocker and he goes back to sleep. Silly me!

4 Weeks Gluten Free

I have officially been gluten free, dairy free, cafeene free, and reduced sugar for four weeks. I find myself craving coffee the most - sometimes as a pick-me-up on a long day and sometimes as a relaxing hot beverage. My frequent (but mild) headaches that I think are gluten induced are mostly gone. And, I have lost....9 pounds!!!

Say what?

Leland is my child, my son. I am his mother. I carried him, thus I am his biological mother. But, I am not his genetic mother. Robert his not his genetic father. This fact does not affect my role as his mother, not does it make me any less his "real mother"....but it is in fact, a fact.

Generally, we are open and shared this information with most of our friends and family. More specifically, our doctors clearly know as it is important information for medical purposes. Since it’s not a secret, why do people seem to forget?

This past Sunday, my primary care doctor (she goes to our church) said something to this affect. She said, "Leland looks like a perfect mix of both you and Robert." When I hear statements like this I find myself pondering the meaning, the implication, of the statement. Did she mean...

         ...I forgot that Leland is not genetically related to you. He look so much like you two.

         ...I know Leland is not genetically related to you, but still it is amazing how much he does look like you two.

         ...I forgot that Leland is not genetically related to you and I can’t seem to find any features you share in common with him so therefore he must such a mix of your genetics.

In analyzing all of this I realize that the more important question is why I actually ponder all of this so throughly. Shouldn’t I appreciate and be happy that other people forget that our family was built through less traditional methods?

Having given this much though, I believe it is because I am proud of the story God has written for our family. Also, I see embryo adoption as such a fundamental aspect of Leland’s identity that I am bothered by people who dismiss that aspect or our story / his identity.

Do you ever encounter "forgetful" people? How do you respond?

Welcome Spring

We had beautiful weather this weekend. We played in the yard and worked on new flowerbeds in the back yard. It was a lot of work but Leland had a great time.

"Helping" (Great) Uncle Danny 

Gardening with Nana

Catching a Ride

Even as the weekend was winding down, late yesterday afternoon Leland asked to go to the pond. He asked so sweetly and the weather was just so beautiful, we just couldn’t resist. He walked the whole way there and about half the way home, hand-in-hand with both Robert and I.

At the Pond with Daddy

I am getting very excited about getting outdoors with my adventurous little boy this spring and summer!

Daisy Update

Daisy is home. After two days of IV fluids and IV antibiotics she is doing much better. Thank you for your kind words and prayers. We are so thankful that our "baby" is going to be okay.

Daisy

As many who have suffered through infertility know, our pets are our first babies. Our first baby, Daisy, is very sick. Please pray for her. She had diarrhea and started vomiting yesterday afternoon. Through the night the diarrhea turned to just liquid, mostly blood. I took her to the vet this morning. They admitted her and started her on IV fluids and antibiotics.

Daisy & Leland @ Christmas

They say it is some type of extreme gastrointestinal upset, but it’s impossible to know for sure what is wrong without lots of expensive tests. For now we are treating with the fluids and antibiotic. If she hasn’t improved some by tomorrow we will run a few tests. Please keep her in your prayers!

Gluten Free, etc

Three weeks ago I started on a Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Caffeine Free, Refined Sugar Free diet. It’s similar to the yeast free diet I did last summer, but not as restrictive. I had been wanting to go back on the yeast free diet or at least a gluten free diet for a few weeks, but have been putting it off for some time now.

Robert suggested I do the diet through Lent and offered to join me. I don’t really think of this as having given something up "for Lent" but we are using Lent as our timetable. Mostly I was just thankful that Robert was going to join me. So far in three weeks I have lost 6.5 lbs (Robert has lost about 10 lbs). I don’t talk much about weight on my blog because although I try to be as healthy as possible I also try not to fixate on my weight.

A little history...I started having trouble with my weight as a child when I was diagnosis with hypothyroidism at age 9. I was never obese, but consistently a little overweight. When I was 16 I joined we*ght w@atchers. With a lot of hard work I lost about 15-20 lbs, achieving a goal weight of about 135 lbs - not skinny, but no longer overweight. As a teenager I really struggled with why it was so much harder for me to loose weight than it was for my friends. It just didn’t make sense. I now understand that having essentially been in (hormone wise) menopause since about 15 years of age, losing weight for me is like a 50 year old woman trying to loose weight.

In college I gained all of the weight I had lost, plus some. Since college I have fluctuated anywhere from 145 - 170 lbs. (Except while pregnant when I topped just over 200). During college I had an epiphany...I was packing up some old clothes when I came across a pair of size 2 jeans. I remembered wearing them and I remembered still not feeling pretty enough or thin enough. It was then that I swore to embrace myself and love myself no matter my size. Yes, I still delete unflattering bathing suit pictures of myself form the camera and cringe when I see a bad photo of me posted to Fac*book, but I don’t stress over my weight.

Sometimes it’s hard, especially being around my mother. After some reflection it is clear to me that she is a main source of my weight-related insecurities. Even recently she commented that she was happy to see me on this diet because I had been looking so great last fall and seemed to have put back on some of the weight (I’ve gained 4 lbs total in the last nine months). I recognize that her comments are a product of her own insecurities and I really believe that she doesn’t understand or recognize their affect on me, but still it affects me.

So back to the diet....I have wanted to go back to Gluten free because I am almost certain that Gluten gives me headaches. I have no other signs of a Gluten allergy or intolerance, and I have been tested for Celiac, so I am not really sure what to make of it - any thoughts??? Tomorrow marks the halfway point of my diet. I will keep you posted!

Twenty Months

Leland’s personality is really exploding. He is discovering his ability to express opinions and preferences. And, although I don’t have the actual measurements, he is growing like crazy!

New Table from the Consignment Sale

Leland continues to say new words every day. He has learned to say "side" and uses it to tell me he wants to switch sides while nursing. He says "wash" - meaning he want to wash his hands ... or play in the water in the sink! He is also overflowing with lots of "yes, please" (sounds like "es peeze") and "more, please" because he has cleverly discovered that I have a hard time resisting him when he is so polite and just so cute.

Watching TV with Granddaddy

Leland is wearing mostly 18 month pants and a mix of 18-24 month tops. He is working on lots of teeth right now. He has been getting four new molars for the past few weeks. One is finally in, two are mostly there, and one is just peaking trough. Then I noticed yesterday that he is getting one more tooth on the top in addition to the molars. I guess he is finally playing catch up in the teeth department.

Diaper Cutie...with the Ipad

One of the fun sides of the increased desire for independence is Leland’s love of helping. He takes thing to the trash for me (papers, etc.); he helps clean up his toys; and he loves to help feed our dog Daisy. Of course the reverse side of the independence streak is mini-meltdowns through out the day. But thankfully they are infrequent and short in duration.

Another new development this month is the addition of a teddy bear to his crib. Leland has always been very attached to his blanket; it's a great source of security for him. About two weeks ago my mom was laying him down for a nap and he asked for a teddy bear out of the bin of stuffed animals in his room. He pointed to a specific bear and snuggled it close. He has been sleeping with the bear ever since, an occasionally taking it out of the crib too. I have been calling him "Teddy" but just this week he corrected me an called him "Bear".

After his Bath

As every month passes I feel a small ache for just how much and how fast my baby boy has grown up. But mostly, I am really, really loving how much fun it is to explore the word with him and though his eyes. The more he grows and learns, the more we can do and see together.