"Mama, what color will they be?"

I had a sweet conversation with Leland this morning about the babies. It started with him asking me more questions about my belly getting bigger. He then wanted me to tell him again what their names are. Then the conversation turned to how they will look.

"Mama, what color will they be?"

At first I was a little taken back by the question, I think mostly because this is probably the first time he has talked about skin color. But then it occurred to me what a valid question it is - and really no different than the question of hair or eye color. Fortunately Leland has been exposed to families built by a variety of means, sometimes resulting in multiple skin colors within one family. I really hope this question comes from a place of early and basic understanding that family is more than just genetics.

After I answered his question about skin, the conversation turned to hair and eye color. Leland predicts that one will have red hair and the other will have pink hair. Both will have blue eyes. I like his predictions, but reminded him that it will be a surprise.

Warm Weather

After the high of 30 degrees last weeks we were happy to welcome a high of 76 degrees today! Leland is on break this week so I've taken off time to spend with him in the afternoon. This afternoon we thoroughly enjoyed the weather with some outdoor fun.

The only downside of the day was during afternoon snuggles while watching Curious George I discovered Leland had a 102 fever (in addition to a runny nose that was getting progressively darker and a sore throat). So off to urgent care we went. Hopefully he will be feeling better soon.

29 Weeks 3 Days (brief update)

Today I had an OB appointment, followed by an MFM appointment and growth scan, followed by infusion #10.

Girls continue to look great. A is head down, weighing approximately 3lbs 5oz (that's a 1lb 6oz gain in 23 days). B is breach, weighing approximately 3lbs 9oz (that's a 1lb 9oz gain in 23 days). I was surprised just how much they had grown. I am now carrying more baby than when Leland was born at 6lbs 9oz. Which would explain why I feel bigger than I ever did with him.

The only minor concern my OB had was my recent weight gain. I'm up to 32 pounds total, which isn't too bad. But, I've put on about 10 of those pounds in the last month. This combined with a little swelling is just a little concerning. We will be rechecking my thyroid again next week to be sure that's not a factor.

I got no new ultrasound photos today. The girls are getting pretty squished in there and most of the ultrasound looked like a pile of body parts rather than distinguishable babies. I did however take this really, really bad selfie in the infusion center bathroom just to document how much I am growing...

This week I am looking forward to my maternity photo shoot and to hopefully (if I feel up to a 2 1/2 hour drive) going to Robert's great-grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Happy Transfer Day + What God Reveals (Part I)

Happy Transfer Day

November 16^th – four years ago – I “met” Leland.  He was transferred into my womb, along with two other embryos. He was one of five embryos we adopted and thawed that day. He was frozen in 2001. We are so thankful that God blessed us with Leland. I am in awe of God’s plan for my life and I am praying for the ladies who are transferring at the NEDC (and elsewhere) this week that their babies would grow and bless them in ways unimaginable.

What God Reveals (Part I) 

There is something else I have been wanting to blog about recently and thought this would be a good post to get started. I have never considered myself prophetic. I’ve never heard God’s voice audibly. I often feel led by the Holly Spirit, but not necessarily is a prophetic way. Though recently, I have come to realize and accept the power of several things God has revealed to me – many of which relate to our family building. My hope is to share much of what God has revealed to me and the power of these revelations over several posts. 

Around the end of high school (about age 17) I had an image of a man implanted in my mind. At the time – and still now – I felt like this image was from God. It was a single image of a grown man (maybe late 20’s) who was tall with blonde hair. In addition to the visual I had an overwhelming feeling of love towards him and I instantly knew his profession. At 17 years old my only conclusion was this must be the man God wanted me to marry. I really struggled with this at the time. Primarily, I had just started dating Robert around that time. Also, he was taller and blonder than I would typically find attractive (silly, I know) – and I really could not have imagined myself married to someone in that profession. For years this lingered in the back of my mind, while at the same time feeling confident that Robert was the man God had selected for me.

This image, which I knew in my heart was from God, confused me for years even after Robert and I married. And then one day I knew. It was finally clear. This wasn’t my husband. It was my son. It is Leland. As I have pondered this recently, I realized something even more profound. God revealed this to me right about the same time Leland was conceived and frozen. God has had Leland picked out for me since then. He was always my son. 

28 Weeks

Babies still cookin'. Here are some highlights of the week:

BABY SHOWER

I had my baby shower last Saturday. Everything was absolutely perfect and beautiful. I was blessed with great friends and an overly generous amount of goodies for our sweet girls.

WEIGHT / HEALTH

Girls continue to do well. My belly is getting bigger by the day - and my belly button "popped" this week. (It never popped with Leland's pregnancy). Leland giggles at my inny-outie popped belly button.

After weeks of not gaining weight I put on a few pounds this week for 27 pounds total. I continue to feel better since being sick recently, with only a little congestion and ear pressure remaining.

Last Sunday I had infusion #8. Tomorrow is infusion #9.

MOVEMENT

The girls are more active by the day. Leland felt one move for the first time tonight. And last night Robert was actually woken up when he was kicked by one of the girls!

NESTING / NURSERY

Since getting so many great goodies at my shower I have been in overdrive mode this week getting the remaining needed items, including items for the nursery. Here's a sneak peak.

I've even been stocking up on diapers with a little crazy couponing at Target. I got 5 packs of newborn diapers, 1 pack of preemie diapers, 2 packs of wipes, and 3 packs of pull-ups (for Leland at night) - for about $19!!! I was really excited...and then I realized that these diapers will only last about two weeks! Wow!

I'm still working on obtaining two complete, matching, and undamaged cribs. Replacement part number three will ship this week. The "headboard" part of the crib keeps arriving damaged.

Also this week - we bought a van!!! I now drive a Chrysler Town and Country. It's so comfortable and I'm feeling very spoiled with features like bluetooth calling and automatic doors!

NAMES

You may have noticed some initials or monograms in my pictures. We have picked names and announced them to our family and friends. We have picked two names, but will wait to assign them until after we meet the girls. I will announce their names here after they are born. Any guesses?

The Infusion that Wasn't

I took off work today. 3 hours round trip driving. 8 hours at the infusion center. A blood draw. IV started. And in the end - no infusion! I have to go back this weekend or more likely on Monday.

They run pre-infusion labs every week prior to treatment. They usually take about an hour to run. Today, one test took over five hours because of a machine malfunction. By the time they had the results they told me there was not enough time to get the infusion before they closed. Trying to reschedule the infusion took another few hours and I still don't know when it's rescheduled for...

There have been lots of tears today.  I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. I am trying to put my trust in God - trusting that He was protecting me and the babies today (bad batch of IVIG, maybe?). But it's still really hard and lonely. A sweet nurse prayed with me as I was leaving the infusion center in tears. It really was a blessing to be prayed for, but it's still just hard.

On a more positive note, this weekend I am looking forward to my mom flying into town for three days and my baby shower on Saturday morning.

Halloween

I'm so glad I was able to make it home from the hospital by Friday evening. Leland had been counting down the days for weeks. It was very much a blessing from God in regards to recovery and timing.

Here are a few fun pictures:

27 Weeks

Still pregnant! Yea! Not that I am having any pre-term labor issues, it just feels good everyday knowing that they grow stronger and healthier. I feel much better than I did at 26 weeks. The day after I wrote that post I spiked a fever and realized that I wasn't "just pregnant" - I was actually really sick. Being sick is of course no fun (at all), but sick gets better shortly - pregnancy lasts awhile.

Here are a few highlights:

• IVIG Infusions so far - 7
• Weight gain = 23 pounds (I've been staying steady here for the past 2-3 weeks)
• Carpal tunnel seems to be staying to a minimum thanks to starting using the braces very early rather than waiting till the numbness got really bad. I am actually having more pain than numbness in my hands and wrists - and I often see my veins bulging - but this may be related to the IVs and IVIG (makes my blood thicker) in addition to the carpal tunnel. 
• I gave in and bought a pregnancy pillow. I always thought they were a little silly, but I am now a full convert. I am sleeping so much better!

• I had a follow-up on Monday with my OB. The highlights are, my belly (fundal height) is already measuring 34 weeks. No wonder I am feeling as big as I did when I delivered Leland at 35 weeks. And...I am now official on part-time duty at work. This means less pressure, but also means 1/2 my pay...eek! Please pray that I am successful in filing a partial short-term disability claim. 
• I still don't have two complete cribs, but more on that saga later...

Once again, thank you for all the prayer and support. You have no idea how much your encouraging words help on tough days. You give me strength that I really can (hopefully) grow these babies for 10 more weeks!

End of Month Totals (October)

Keeping in line with last month, here are my totals: 

10 – Blood Draws
6 – Doctor’s Appointments

4 – IVIG Infusions

3 – Ultrasounds
2 - Hospital Admission 
1 – Dentist Appointment

Leland: 

2 – Doctor’s Appointments
2 – Urgent Care Visits 
1 – ER Visit

Robert: 

1 – Colonoscopy 
1 – Vaccination 

I want to thank you for last months encouraging words. A few of you even made me feel like "super mom" in September. But the truth is, I was drowning. And with drowning came isolation and even mild depression. When things are so busy (work, doctors, etc.) everything else has to be set aside. This means very little social interaction, which is isolating at a time companionship and support are needed most. I found myself even too tired to pick up the phone and call a friend. 

Having realized this, we have now reached out for help. We've accepted help watching Leland so we can get things done; help with some dinners; help with some projects; help with company for me when I was hospitalized and during infusions; help with our dog; and help for in the future when I cannot drive myself to appointments. 

I am still tired. And this is all still hard. But the support makes it much better - both the actual support and the emotional support that comes from the actual support. 

Home

Friday I woke up feeling much better. Not good; still sick. But, much better. None of my test results gave a clear answer as to why I was so sick, so the conclusion is simply a nasty virus.

Thursday was a rough day. I cried lots of tears. Missing Leland. Worried I wouldn't make it home for Halloween. Worried he wouldn't have a Halloween costume (thanks to an Amazon shipping delay). It was emotional being away from him, knowing he was struggling with me being away too.

I was relieved Friday afternoon that they said I could be discharged and that I was cleared for my IVIG. The initial plan was to get my IVIG Fiday afternoon. I knew that this made sense, but was broken-hearted counting the hours and knowing I would miss Leland's Halloween. I prayed and prayed for a solution. And God answered my prayer. Due to scheduling and billing issues, they asked me to come back Saturday morning for my IVIG. I was going home!

We were able to pick Leland up from school about 4pm. It only took him a minute or so to frankly ask me "Mama, why were you gone?" It broke my heart to hear that question. Yet, at the same time, I am thankful to have a child who can directly talk about how he is feeling.

Saturday was rough too. Leland was very worried about me going to the hospital for my infusion - I really believe he thought he wouldn't see me for a few days again. Overall the infusion went well and I am thankful to be home with my boys.

Thank you for your support and prayers this week.