God Knows

The trials of infertility taught me the invaluable lesson of God’s perfect timing. The true beauty in God’s timing is how it unveils God’s perfect plan. A plan far greater and far more “perfect” than any of us could ever have imagined. A plan so perfect that when we look back on how the pieces of the plan came together it’s like small intricate puzzle pieces interlocking the pieces of our lives. When we don’t know or understand the how or the why – God knows.

God has been working in my life and the life of my family. Many of you have followed our 9 month home search saga. After months and months of searching, five failed offers, and nearly 3 months under contract going round and round with underwriting on issue after issue, we finally have our dream home. It is so much more house than we ever planned on or dreamed about. Really more house than we need for just three of us. But God knows and God plans for our needs before we even know we have a need.

About a month after we had gone under contract on the house my mother called. She was having a very overwhelming week. I don’t really talk about it much – even to others in my real life – but my dad suffers from Lewy Body Dementia. Mostly I don’t talk about it out of respect for my dad’s privacy and dignity. It has been explained to me that Lewy Body Dementia is similar to Parkinson’s Disease only the dementia comes first, followed by the motor skill problems (opposite of how Parkinson’s onsets). My mom is a nurse and is 14 years younger than my dad. She is an amazing care giver! But her job as caregiver is hard and lonely. And, in addition to caring for my dad, she has been working full time (plus call / overtime) and managing the house all alone.

When she called me that day she sounded almost hopeless – hopeless about my dad’s prognosis and progression, hopeless about her own future. It broke my heart. I just hurt for her and I cried out to God for an answer. I too saw no solution – no hope – to better her situation. So I prayed, and prayed for several days seeking an answer for God. And then, there it was, right in front of me. My parents need to move in with us. Robert and I talked about it; prayed about it. And then I spoke with my mom.

Since making the decision to move in with us, my mom has a renewed hope. Yes, she is overwhelmed with the details of packing up a home in Florida and moving back to Georgia, but she now has a light at the end of the tunnel. She won’t have to work. She will be able to care for my dad and spend time with my dad – time that I hope and pray will be a blessing to both my mom and dad.

I praise God for His omnipotent, all knowing, and perfectly executed plan. And ask for prayers for our family. Prayers for the renovations that need to be completed in our basement to accommodate them; prayers for my mom as she packs up their house; prayers for my dad’s health and prayers for our family relationships as we make the complex transition to living under one roof.

Suggestions Needed: Consignment Sale Shopping List

Tomorrow is the pre-sale for our local consignment sale. I am trying to get a list together of what items I should buy. The last two sales I have found that 2-3 months after the sale I am wishing I had though further ahead and picked up baby gear I would need.

The pre-sale is tomorrow night, but I can keep shopping though Saturday (half price day!). Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated. Leland will be 15 months – 21 months, now through the time of the next sale. What items should be on my list???

30 Before 30: #1 & #29

#1: Live Close to Work

Now that we have moved, I am only 2.5 miles from work and love, love, love it!!! Just yesterday I was thinking how much better quality of life we already have. When Robert got home from work we took a walk on the neighborhood walking trails. The trail is wooded and quite, winding past a pond. Then after Leland was in bed, I remembered I needed more safety pins for tagging my consignment sale items. I ran to the grocery store that is just across from our new neighborhood and I was back home in 15 minutes. Then this morning, we left the house at 7:30 AM and without rushing I had dropped Leland off and was sitting at my desk by 8:00 AM.

#29: Find a Good Bible Study Group

I joined a new Bible study group this week. There are nine ladies and they meet at lunch at the same church where Leland is in daycare. I had thought I wouldn’t be able to do a lunch time Bible study until after I stopped nursing Leland at lunch, but I generally am only with Leland from about 11:40 to noon now (at which point he is asleep). So I can just run across the street into the church for Bible study at noon. I have only been once, but I think I will really like it. Even better, two of the nine ladies live in our new neighborhood and have already met Robert – he is very social. When I introduced myself (with no mention of where we had just moved), they both said in unison “is your husband Robert?” One of these ladies actually lives directly across the street from us and is super nice. I feel so blessed to have met someone who I think could become a really great new friend.

I have 1 year and 8 months to go and 26 more items to check off MY LIST!

Archer

Leland with our cat Archer.

We Moved!

Yep. We finally did it! We moved this week.

New Home!

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I now live 2.5 miles from work in what I hope to be our forever home. Everything is still a mess and we are exhausted. But, I am just so happy. God’s hand was in this (very, very long) process. He has blessed us beyond measure. His timing has been perfect. I praise God for this blessing!

Leland’s Empty Nursery

As thrilled as I am to move (and dump the horrible commute), leaving our home this week was very bittersweet. Although I see that home as a stepping-stone in God’s plan for our family, it was in fact a very large stepping stone. When we put an offer on that house in September 2010, I was starting a new job that week, Robert had just become employed again after 18 months of unemployment, and we were just staring into our FET protocol for Leland. Now, 2 years later I am still at my same job (the job we moved for to begin with), Robert is in a new job that he absolutely loves, and we have an amazing 14 month old son. Just writing this make me cry. I am overwhelmed and amazed by God’s faithfulness.



Things Not to Say to an Infertile #112

I was on my way out of the daycare a few weeks ago when I bumped into one of the other mothers. We talked for a while about several things when the discussion fell on whether or not I was going to have another child soon. I candidly shared that conceiving Leland had been difficult and shared our Embryo Adoption story with her.

She replied – trying to relate – that she had difficulty conceiving as well and that she had a difficult pregnancy, developing gestational diabetes at about 5 months…JUST WEEKS PRIOR TO HER WEDDING. Really, honey…I am so sorry it took you and your boyfriend several months of unprotected sex to get knocked up. Are you kidding me???

The Nephew: Part Ten (THE NEPHEW)

He is here! He was born about 4:30 PM on Wednesday, September 5^th after an induction.  

They started her induction late the night before with Certivil (or however you spell that) and then got the Petocin going on Wednesday morning. She progressed very quickly. All day I got text and phone call updates. When I would ask how she was doing, it was always that she was sleeping or very groggy. It seems that she got an epidural about 2 CM and they just kept pumping it up more and more. She also was given oral pain medication which made her very drowsy the entire time.  

I was coping alright most of the day, but when I got the text that she was 10 CM I burst into tears. Really, I am not sure why. Maybe because I wasn’t ready to deal with him actually arriving? Maybe because I was unable to dilate and had a C-section after three tough days of induction? Even processing my emotions for several days now I still don’t know why I started crying.

After I got the 10 CM text I expected his arrival very soon. But it took 2-3 hours more. She just couldn’t push him out. They had to use the vacuum 3 times to pull him out since she could not push him out. And she tore all the way back (ouch!). Apparently, after she gave birth she did not even want to hold him – neither she nor J held him until later in the evening. Everyone said she couldn’t push him out because he is so big (8 lbs 11 oz), but I think she was just too drugged up to actively push. But then again…what do I know…It’s not like I’ve given birth vaginally before.  

We went to the hospital that night to meet him. He looks like a cabbage patch doll to me – and I mean that in an endearing way. I brought H a “gift bag” with items like sanitary pads, tucks, nursing pads, etc. All the things that I figured would make her more comfortable, but that I was sure she hadn’t thought to buy or pack. Maybe not the cutest new baby gift bag, but practical none the less.

When we first arrived at the hospital the doctor still stitching H’s massive tear, so we got to watch our nephew’s first bath through the nursery window. This was special since Leland had his first bath on the same exact table in that very nursery fourteen months ago. While we were watching the bath we actually bumped into my Labor & Delivery nurse (who was in on my c-section). It was nice to see her and get to tell her just how wonderful she was to us. A short time later, they rolled H down the hall. She looked shell-shocked, like she had just witnessed (or experienced) something very traumatic.

Oh…and of course there had to be some drama. Thankfully, I was only attached to a small part of it. The major drama came when H was pushing and wanted everyone but J out of the room. My in-laws left, but J’s mother stuck around….TAKING PICTURES! Needless to say…there was lots of drama.

The minor drama followed my holding my nephew for the first time. He had been passed between several family members before I held him. When I got him he was barely wrapped in the blanket – really the blanket was just under him. His hands we cold and he just seems uneasy. So I laid him in the crib a second and swaddled him tightly before continuing to rock him. Later, when my mother-in-law asked, I showed her how I had wrapped him, using just a blanket and no baby. Apparently, I upset them and comments were made that they don’t have to do everything just exactly like Robert and I. I mean…really? Are we 5 years old? No…I guess you don’t have to have a warm baby like us…he can be cold if he wants to be?!?

Fourteen Months

This past month has been so much fun. Leland and growing and changing so quickly. He is about 22 pounds and a little over 30 inches. He wears size 4 diapers mostly because he rear is a little wide, otherwise the size 3 would still fit fine. He is in a size 5 shoe and wears 12-18 month clothing. Though he has just now gotten tall enough for 12 month pants.

Leland continue to talk more and more. Some favorite words this month are “bird” and “boat”. There are both birds and boats in some of my paintings around the house and he likes to look at them and talk about them. He has started identifying birds in pictures elsewhere as well.

Leland took his first steps on August 4^th and has just taken off since then. He tentative toddle has turned to a full on run. He wants to walk everywhere now, rather than be carried. He also loves his shoes. He brings them to us and asks us to put them on him. I think he hopes that if we put his shoes on that we can go outside. He loves to play outside so much lately. I am hoping to find an outdoor play set at the upcoming consignment sale.

I stopped pumping this month. Leland still nurses 3-5 times per day, usually on the higher end of that. He nurses (most nights) sometime between 2-4 AM, first thing in the morning, after lunch, (sometimes) an afternoon snack between 4-5 PM, and again before bed. When we are together on the weekends he will sometimes just ask to nurse at random times. When he does this it is usually just a “sip” and he is back to playing. I find it very sweet that he now asks to nurse when he wants.

Leland now has 3 teeth. His top two front teeth came in this month. We had a few days of awful teething but once they really broke though he has been much better. He still has just one tooth on the bottom, but he recently lost the “tooth cap” that was next to the real tooth so the other one may be on its way in soon.  When we saw the “tooth cap” appear last November (when Leland was just 4 months old) we thought that he was getting his first tooth. His first pediatrician even told us he would have a tooth any day. When he still had the “tooth cap” and no tooth at about a year, his new pediatrician explained that it was just a “tooth cap” and would fall out before the tooth actually come through.

Adventures this month include another plane trip to Florida and a new cousin. At the end of August, we flew to Florida again to visit my parents. Leland was teething while we were there, but otherwise we had a nice visit with Nana and Granddaddy. Then, on September 3^rd, we welcomed Leland’s first younger cousin and his first cousin on daddy’s side. Leland did great visiting with his little cousin in the hospital. He loved watching him get a bath in the nursery and showed no signs of any jealousy when we were holding our new nephew.

(Blogger is having issues with photos - I will try to add them later!)

The Break Up

Thursday was a rough day. I was busy at work. I had a doctor appointment that after waiting for an hour and a half was rescheduled. And, I am just so tired from the crazy long days we have been pulling. I rushed to pick Leland up from school and realized that I had not had a chance to pump yet. I was a little engorged so I went ahead and nursed him, planning to pump on the ride home. We ended up eating dinner in the car and I totally forgot to pump on in the car on the way. So, I figured that I would pump after I got Leland settled into bed and everything ready for the next day.

For about the last month or two I have only been pumping once per day. I send one 3 oz breast milk bottle (actually it’s a sippy cup) as a mid-morning snack. I believe it serves more as a comfort measure than a nutritional necessity. And in reality, he only asks for this bottle about half of the days. Pumping once per day has been so much easier than six months ago when I was pumping six or more times a day, but it still takes time and requires nightly pump part washing.

So, Thursday night, I am sitting in his glider, nursing him to sleep, dreading adding pumping to the to-do list before bed when I had an epiphany. Leland will be 14 months on Monday (eek!)… he still nurses 3-5 times per day…he doesn’t NEED those 3 oz. So, there and then, I decided to give up the pump.

One of the reasons I have not given up pumping sooner is for fear my milk supply will dwindle. There is something reassuring about actually seeing the milk in the bottle. But, my supply – while still low – is sufficient for his current needs. And I have faith that as He has thus far, God will provide the milk that Leland needs.

Friday, I sent a half milk / half formula cup to school for his morning “snack.” But, he didn’t even ask for it, because he doesn’t really need it. J

So. There you have it. On August 30, 2012, after thirteen months, three weeks, and six day…I broke up with my pump!  


IN OTHER PUMPING NEWS…since the incident, the secretary now calls me on the phone if she needs something or has a question. She hasn’t even knocked on my closed door since!!!