BOOK REVIEW: What Makes a Baby

As promised, here is my first book review on a where do babies / where do families come from book. I was a little hesitant about this book at first, but overall I really like it. Leland likes it too and has asked to read it several times.

What Makes a Baby is a hardcover book, measuring about 10 x 10 inches. The illustrations are colorful and intentionally generic. The people depicted are racially generic and in many cases are of generic gender. The book also sticks to the basics of reproduction, using scientifically correct terminology, including sperm, egg, and uterus.

The book starts by stating the obvious, but important fact that you can’t make a baby from nothing. It goes on to explain that to make a baby you need an egg, a sperm, and a uterus. It points out that some people have sperm, some don’t (and so forth as to the egg and uterus). These generic assertions open the door for the general discussion of boys have sperm, girls have eggs - or you can use this to explain a more personal situation, such as "mommy has no eggs."

The book shows the growth of a baby in-utero and states that sometimes a doctor decides when a baby is to be born and sometimes the baby comes on his or her own. The book then depicts both a vaginal birth and a c-section.

The book ends with a series of questions designed to encourage discussion, such as "who was waiting for you to be born?" Included with the book is a website with a 61-page reading guide to help parents facilitate discussions with their children. You can actually view the entire text of the book in the page-by-page section of the reader guide.

How applicable is the book to embryo adoption?

I found the book to be a great tool for explaining reproduction and relating it back to embryo adoption. The open ended questions in the book allow us to discuss Leland’s story and there is nothing in the book contradictory to his story.

What didn’t I like?
The book depicts an embryo, but fails to use the term embryo. Rather it refers to an embryo as a "tiny thing".

What did I like?
The book points out that "Sometime this tiny thing does not grow. And sometimes it grows into a baby (like you did.)" I think this is a great point that is often overlooked.
I also loved this explanation: "how a baby grows depends on the stories that the egg and sperm share and on the uterus the baby is growing inside of." I think it is really important to highlight that how a baby grows and develops is shaped partly by the mother’s uterus, and not just the
genetics of the sperm and egg.

Is the book graphic or "too mature"?
This a difficult question. I decided to go ahead and buy the book to see for myself. I made this decision because I have notice that sometimes books like these are published for a few years and then essentially disappear. Hopefully that will not happen to this book, but I didn’t want to risk it.

Having now read the book, I do not find it too graphic or too mature even for Leland at two years old. It may seem a little surprising to some to be explaining the ideas of sperm, egg, and uterus to a child so young, but it is hard to explain embryo adoption without first explaining embryos and reproduction. I am comfotable with the level of explanation and with the images in the book. I have, however, kept the book out of reach and only allow him to read it with me.

The book does not go into at all how the sperm and egg get in the uterus. I see this omission as a good thing. It allows the introduction of reproduction without the concept of relations or implantation.

Has anyone else read this book? What do you think?

Powerful God

We have a powerful God!

I don't talk about it much here, partially because it is in some ways a private matter and not mine place to make public. Partially because it is what it is and I don't really know what to say. The truth is, my dad is dying. He has Lewy body dementia. It is in the end stages at this point. My parents have been living with us for the past six months and he has been under hospice care for some time now.

Today he developed violent and persistent hiccuping. It lasted eight hours. Earlier in the day I prayed for him and I rubbed his feet hoping it would help the hiccups stop. The doctors prescribed him a muscle relaxer, but it didn't seem to be helping. The hiccups persisted. As I was heading towards bed my mom told me that the hiccups were getting stronger and his respirations were dropping. I went to see him.

Holding his hand as he slept I prayed, I called out to God on his behalf to stop the hiccups. After each hiccup I prayed and waited, waiting for the next one to come. As I was waiting, expecting the next hiccup I was convicted on my little faith. After several rounds of this, the hiccups continued. Then I called on the power of God. I thought back to several months ago when my dad had hurt his back so badly he could not get out of the bed. When he hurt his back I knew an injury like that would mark the beginning of the end, so I called out to God to heal him. God healed him then; in a matter of hours the pain when from excruciating to nonexistent. I focused on God's faithfulness in healing his back and I called on the power of our mighty God. And just like that...they stopped.

I cried, overwhelmed by how powerful our God is and yet so loving and caring. Tonight I am thankful the hiccups have stopped and he can sleep comfortably. God is powerful!

Even the doctor...

Leland had his two year old check up today (more on that soon). At the appointment the pediatrician asked when Leland would be getting a little sister. Really?

Then he was actually taken back by the $10K price tag I quoted him for embryo adoption. He also had no idea that IVF with donor eggs (or even adoption) could easily be $40K. If even he has no clue how can we expect anyone to get it?

Rant over. :)

Diagnosis

I have a guest post over at No Good Eggs. I am one of Kimberly’s guest bloggers while she is on vacation. My post is about my premature ovarian failure diagnosis. After I wrote the post Kimberly said I left her hanging a bit and asked for more. By the time I sent her “more” she had already left for vacation. So below…is the rest of the story.

If you are one of my readers be sure to head over to No Good Eggs for the beginning of the story.

If you are new and are here from Kimberly’s blog. Welcome!

AFTER MY DIAGNOSIS

My diagnosis came with no explanation, no treatment plan, no advice, nothing. Initially, I did not even really understand what it meant. Being a type-A personality, I am addicted to knowing all the information, uncovering all of the answers. I found myself on a mission to not just understand and treat this newly discovered diagnosis, but to also uncover the mystery of how I had never known about it.

I searched the internet. I ordered books. I referred myself to the only local reproductive endocrinologist. And I began requesting old medical records.

The reproductive endocrinologist confirmed my diagnosis and educated me about the medical risks associated with premature ovarian failure, including other autoimmune issues and osteoporosis. Meanwhile, I poured over my old medical records determined to find an answer. And the answer I found was only more confusing and upsetting.

My medical records actually indicated I had been told I have premature ovarian failure. I felt lost. How could I have been told, yet not know? Did I, still a child, just misunderstand? Did my mother, despite being a registered nurse, also misunderstand? Did the doctor say one thing and chart another? Did my mother know and just keep it a secret from me? Was no one brave enough to tell a teenager she would likely never have children?

These questions followed me for years. Not yet pursuing children, I willed myself to focus on the medical aspect of my condition. It is easier to think about good bone health than broken ovaries.

Finally – over two years later – I confronted my mother with these questions, with my diagnosis. She was shocked, stating she too never knew. Emphasizing what a crazy time in our life that was due to (unrelated) issues going on in our family. This left me with a mix of emotions. Relief that I was not the only one who did not know and that she had not been keeping a secret from me. Frustration that she did not fight harder for answers for me. Abandonment in that once again I had been the child whose issues had been deemed the lesser issues, so much lesser in fact that those issues were unmemorable, forgotten entirely.   

My diagnosis of premature ovarian failure has been a rocky road emotionally. Being “diagnosed” so young and learning of my diagnosis years before we started wanting to conceive, my journey has looked a little different from most who discover their infertility while actively and unsuccessfully trying to conceive. It is however, this journey which led us to embryo adoption and our miracle, Leland.

Babies....babies....everywhere

That second pregnancy announcement that I knew was coming finally came at the 4^th of July cookout. Knowing it is coming always helps, but it is what it is. We actually went on a long-weekend beach trip with these friends a few weeks ago and I suspected it at the time, but then started wondering since they said nothing and she didn’t have any significant symptoms. I even started wondering if maybe she was having some difficulty getting pregnant. Which brings up the point of why do we torture ourselves obsessing over other peoples reproductive habits?

This announcement is actually a third pregnancy announcement in that it actually comes on top of my cousin’s announcement from a few weeks ago. My cousin and my two friends are all due within a six week window. Overall I am not too affected, but have had a few moments of anxiety. One such came this week with a text massaged ultrasound photo. It caught me off guard in the middle of the work day. Making matters much worse was that it was a group text so my phone blew up over the next hour with responses.

I really am very happy for all of them and I am excited to meet their little ones. But something about it is still just hard.

My Very Hungry TWO YEAR OLD Caterpillar

This past Saturday we celebrated Leland’s second birthday with a Very Hungry Caterpillar themed party.

I made the caterpillar, but left the baking up to Publix

We has a house full with 24 adults and a dozen kids 5 and under. We had planned the party for the morning with the hope of having it outside, but it was just to rainny and humid. Somehow a dozen kids seems like a lot, but there were only two children (siblings) from Leland's school and the rest were family, close friend's children, and our next door neighbors children.

Love my sweet boy!

I had a really fun time and I think Leland did too! I loved that when we sung happy birthday to Leland he sung with us. And he was very excited to blow out the candles.

I had a lot of fun with the Hungry Caterpillar theme...making custom water bottle lables and planning a menu from the food in the book.

Hungry Caterpillar lacing boards as party favors!

Overall we had a great time and were blessed by great friends and family! After Leland's 2 year check up next week I'll post a full update.

TWO! + Updates...

Summer, or rather just life, has been busy. I’ve been slow posting updates, but I wanted to take a moment today to pause, celebrate, and praise God for His abundant blessings! Today, my son - my miracle - is TWO!

I will post a full two year update soon, but wanted to share some general thoughts on what we have been up to recently....

• I surprised Leland this morning - for his birthday - with balloons. After he went to bed last night I snuck in and put several balloons around his room. When he woke up this morning it was still dark so I got to go in, turn on his lamp, and see his surprise and delight He said, "oh, wow!"

Hilton Head, SC

• Two weeks ago we spent four days at the beach in Hilton Head, SC. We traveled with friends and had a wonderful time.

Digging in the sand



• Leland graduated from his rear facing car seat to a front facing seat. It has been so much fun being able to see him and talk with him while we ride. He is so cute poining out what he sees. His favorite thing to see is the "octogon" (stop signs).
• Last week my niece (14) and nephew (11) flew in to stay with us for two weeks. They will be here until next Wednesday. We have had a blast, but keeping up with a toddler and teenagers is tiring. They stay up late; he wakes up early! We took them to stone mountain on Saturday and had a great time.



Stone Mountain

• This afternoon we plan to take Leland to his first movie - Monster’s University - to celebrate his birthday.
• This weekend we are having a Very Hungry Caterpillar party to celebrate Leland’s birthday. Last night I stopped by Publix to pick up some items for the party before they went off sale. Walking into the store I realized that the only things I needed to buy were ice cream and pickles. Recognizing the irony of this, I added a few items to my store list.  

Waiting to Ride the Train (at Stone Montain)

Have a wonderful Independence Day! I promise to update more soon.