We want to actively share Leland’s story with him. We never want him to experience a big reveal that he was adopted as an embryo. We want his story to simply be something he has always known, with deeper understanding as he grows. This is easier said than done.
I think all parents must struggle with the big question of "where do babies come from?" This is a natural question I believe all children will ask at varying ages. Thus, most parents probably wait until their child brings it up to ever discuss the child’s origin and path to joining the family.
We, however, want to take a pro-active approach to the "where did I come from" question in order to lay the foundation and in order to (hopefully) prevent Leland from ever feeling like it was a secret how he was conceived. To do this I want to write him a "when I came from" book. In the book I want the book to tell specific information about our donors, our doctors, and our trip to Tennessee to "meet" him.
The problem is....I’m having trouble finding the words. I don’t quite know how to frame things or the specific words I want to use. Do I call our donors "genetic parents" or "donors" or "friends" or just by their names? Do I actually use the word "adopted"? Do I use the word "embryo" or "snowflake" or "special gift"? Every choice seems to carry with it a multitude of implications.
So that’s the plan.
If anyone has any suggestions in general or suggestions for books to read I welcome all the help I can get.
And, finally, I hope to post some book review here to pass along what I find.
5 comments:
Lara, I often think about this as well. We are currently pregnant with our snowflake baby that we adopted. I am putting together a pregnancy book about our journey...including pictures of our donating family and the baby as an embryo, pictures we took on transfer day, etc...then the rest of the book is just about our pregnancy and the joys from that. I think this will be a special book we can look at with our child and it will be their story. I am writing in the journal as if I'm talking to the child. Good luck on finding what works best for your family. - Kelly
I've been thinking about this also! As a traditionally adopted child, I don't remember a time not knowing that I was adopted, and the same will be true for Luke. But embryo adoption brings with it a whole new set of terminology and things to consider. I look forward to hearing what others have to say!
Been keeping up with your blog by the way, but just haven't had time to comment. The babies are 6 months old now and we are finally coming up for air! :) Leland is ADORABLE!
I recently put together a mix book for Makenna I'd be happy to let you take a peek at to see what we decided to do. Message me at snowflakemommy@gmail.com and I can see if I can get you an electronic somehow.
Laura http://snowflakebabygirl.blogspot.com
We just started talking to Maddie about how she joined our family. I have a story posted on my blog that I borrowed from another EA momma and I am using that. She talks about seeds and uses a garden to illustrate. This year Maddie and I have a tomato harden and we talk about the seeds that made the tomato babies. I then told her that a nice family shared their seeds with us and now we have Maddie. She is still very young and doesn't understand but we are laying the groundwork. I like the idea of a book and think that I will work on that next. :)
Lara, I am a DE mom and I read your blog regularly. When talking to my DS about his conception we tell him a lady gave us a very special gift.
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