School's out for Summer

Friday was Leland's last day of school for the year. He will be going all summer to their camp program but the actual school year has concluded.

Just for fun....here is his photo from the first day a this new school back in January.

And a photo from the last day of school. He sure has grown up a lot!

Nursing at 22 Months

Leland is twenty-two and a half months old and we are still nursing. Having come this far I want to record and share some of my thoughts and experiences. First, let me say that I am not a breast feeding expert. Far from it.

The question I get the most is "why". And honestly it is a question I consider myself frequently. I consider the question myself not with any doubts, but rather for the purpose of self reflection and analysis of priorities. So here is my candid list of why I am still nursing (in no order of importance):

• Leland still needs it and wants it. He asks to nurse and I am happy to provide him this need / want.
• I read an article once when I was a child that said breast feeding though age two or older provides the best defense against allergies. So I am striving to reach the two year mark based partially on a goal set for myself before I was even old enough to drive.
• Nursing provides comfort to Leland like nothing else. When he is hurt, teething, sick, or just tired, nursing soothes him. It also distracts him while I hold ice to his head to reduce the swelling on his latest bump or bruise.
• Nursing burns calories. I’d rather spend 20 minutes lounging in bed nursing Leland than 20 minutes on a treadmill.
• We’ve come so far, why stop now. I fought so hard to produce milk and still have low production, but we fought the really, really hard fight and persevered. Plus it’s one of the only "womanly" things my body has managed to do. It couldn’t get pregnant, wouldn’t give birth, but amazingly by the grace of God is producing milk.
• Nursing makes bedtime and nap time so easy. Leland can go to sleep without nursing, but it serves as such a great wind-down time and makes him nice and sleepy. Often when I put him in bed at night he is still awake, just relaxed and sleeply post-nursing.
• Only I can do it. Having had Leland in daycare or school since he was 12 weeks old there is something comforting as his mother to have something that only I can provide him. It helps to quiet the "mommy doubt".
• Breast milk is a great source of antibodies and has done an excellent job of boosting Leland’s immune system. Even though he has been in daycare since he was 12 weeks he has only been sick a few times (strep @ 7 months; mild ear infection @ 9 months; stomach virus @ 15 months; a few runny nose / head colds...and that’s it!)
• Nursing provides much needed quiet time for an active toddler and a tired mommy. It’s a way I can spend time with him and still be relaxing. It’s a way to refocus and calm him if he gets overwhelmed or overexcited at a family gathering or event.
• Nursing releases dopamine and I think I’m addicted. Seriously, I can feel that "happy hormone" release when we start nursing. By the time we are done I feel much more relaxed even if I have had a stressful day.

All of this said, nursing is hard and has its share of challenges:

• Comments and opinions from others. "Your still nursing him?"
• Blisters, sores, etc. Thankfully I don’t get them often, but they do happen. I have had a particularly bad sore recently that has hurt a lot. Even Leland notices and points out the "booboo" to me before he starts nursing.
• Kicking, wiggling, etc. Sometimes nursing looks more like a wrestling match. And a few times he has kicked me so much that I have had to stop nursing him and tell him we can only continue if he will not kick me.
• Only I can do it. Sick, hurt, tired and I’m still on deck. I’ve missed one bedtime in 22 months and all date nights, meetings, or girls nights start after Leland has gone to bed.
• "Milk, milk, milk"..."Side, side, side" as he taps my nipple walking through the grocery store. Or sometimes he just puts his hand down my shirt. It’s partially cute and thankfully he redirected easily when it’s just not a good time to nurse, but still challenging at times.

The second most common question I get is when we will stop. And the answer is that I don’t know. I’d like to make it to age two and that’s just six weeks away (eek!), but after that I just don’t know. My hope is that he will wean himself on his own sometime between 2 and 2 ½, but we will see how it goes. Any thoughts from the more experienced mom’s out there?

Bottom line...I have been blessed beyond measure to have been able to nurse Leland this long. It is truly a gift from God.

Commence Numbness

Last night we celebrated my birthday with a kids-free dinner with some of my closest and long-time friends. Of the four people (two couples) who joined us I have been friends with two of them since ninth grade and one of them since third grade. The two whom I have been friends with since ninth grade have been friends with each other since kindergarten. So we all go "way back". They are truly amazing friends and overall we had a fun evening.

I say "overall" because shortly into the evening - as I offered up margaritas - my friend announced she is pregnant with her third child. Commence numbness. I find with each pregnancy announcement I encounter, some level of numbness goes with it. Sometimes it is just the tip of the elbow that goes numb, a slight surprise but easily endurable. Other times, the numbness is debilitating. Last night I found myself somewhere in between those extremes. I willed myself to focus on the parts that weren’t numb, willed myself to genuinely congratulate her, and willed myself to have a fun time. And for the most part I really did have a fun evening.

As the evening went on the numbness grew. See, my other friend, the one who is not pregnant....will be soon. She and her husband are teachers. Their son just turned three. They are planning a summer conception and a spring birth to align her maternity leave with the school year. As I thought to this fall - both of them pregnant together - the numbness grew.

I’ve tried to rationalize with myself. I’m not ready to be pregnant again. (I’m not ready to endure a home study again). I really am happy for them. I know it is not God’s timing for my life for me to be pregnant right now regardless of infertility. I have a lot of other things going on right now (new job, new house, caring for a toddler, helping care for my dad). Yet this morning, there is still a numbness and a lump in my throat.

Exciting Day (Two NEDC Transfers!)

Today is an exciting day. Two wonderful ladies (among many others) are scheduled for transfers today at the NEDC. Please join me in praying for these amazing women, their families, and their precious embryos:

Naomi at Milagro Adoption
Transfer @ 10:00 AM

Shannon at Room for More
Transfer @ 11:30 AM

Twenty-nine

Today’s my birthday. I am twenty-nine. Getting older, yet still so young. One year down on my 30 Before 30 list and one year to go. (Check out the page at the top of my blog to see my progress).

I actually marked one more thing off my list last weekend on out weekend getaway to Chattanooga. I saw the Great Gatsby at a drive in theater. It was a lot of fun. We go there early and ate dinner at their picnic tables. Then we kicked the ball around with Leland in their big open field. Finally, we settled in for the movie and Leland slept on my chest while we watched the move lounged back in our car. I loved it!

Drive-in Movie Screen

For my birthday, Robert hosted a brunch at our house yesterday for both our families. Tonight he and Leland are taking me out to dinner and tomorrow we will celebrate with some of our friends, kid-free. I can’t remember the last time we all got together with no children around, so a kid-free dinner topped my list of birthday plans. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful husband who has planned such fun birthday gatherings just for me!



Leland with his cousin Trevor

This morning I got a call from my cousin (the missionary in Honduras) to wish me a happy birthday. Today is the one day of the year each year that we are the same age (her birthday is tomorrow and she is a year older than me). I only hear from her a few times a year and only see her a few times a year so it was a nice treat.

My parents also came upstairs while Leland was having breakfast. They sung me happy birthday and we all danced around the kitchen. As I hugged my dad it really sunk in that this is likely the last birthday I will have with him. It’s truly bittersweet. With no time to linger before work and school we hurried out, dancing our way to the car while my mom stood in the door way singing for Leland and I.

Morning Conversation with Leland

"Mama, Mama, Mama" came loudly from Leland’s room this morning. He is doing much better at calling for me when he wakes rather than just crying - something we have talked about frequently.

"Hat"

Once he sees me he is no longer calling for me, but rather is requesting his knit hat from the changing table across the room. I get his hat and help him put it on his head. Now wearing his hat, he thinks for a minute, speaking slowly.

Daddy. Time?

He is asking if Daddy has left for work yet or not. Usually his first request in the morning relates to whether or not he woke up early enough to see Daddy. Sometimes he wakes just as Robert is walking out the door and I scoop him up and run downstairs for a quick goodbye. Having concluded Daddy has left, his focus shifts.

"Read Dorsey"

Dorsey is Leland’s word for dinosaur. He wants to read his new book about dinosaurs that we bought at the children’s museum over the weekend. I pick him up out of the crib and he runs over to the rocking chair to read. At the rocking chair he finds a fleece swaddle blanket I had pulled out during the night to cover my legs while he was nursing.

"Whose that’s"
"Whose that’s"

Focusing very hard on the "s" sounds in both words, he repeats himself a few more times.

"Whose that’s"
"Whose that’s"
"Whose that’s"

I tell him it’s his blanket and that we used it when he was a baby to wrap him and keep him warm.

"Baby. Warm."

He speaks matter-of-factly, now an expert on the origin and use of the blanket. He seems satisfied as to the blanket and settles in for the book.

Twenty-two Months

This has been a great month. This time last year I was holding my breath as I counted down to Leland’s first birthday, unprepared to give up the newborn days. This year I am just so excited to be watching him learn and grow. I am also counting down to the magical moment when I can turn his car seat forward facing and can stop crunching him into a little ball prior to placing him into his car seat.

Leland is bigger for sure, but I don’t have an exact measurement. My best estimate (and this really is an estimate) is that he is about 27 pounds and about 35"-36". He is still in 18 month pants and a mix of 18 month, 24 month & 2T tops. His shoe size is 6.5.



Saturday morning after breakfast we heard the train and ran to see it!
So much fun - with Nana, Granddaddy & Daddy!

 Leland has been cutting 4 (maybe 5) teeth this month. Needless to say we have had a few rough nights. One night he woke 6-8 times compared to his usual one time a night. Another night he threw up in the middle of the night. For a brief moment I thought he was actually sick, but have concluded it has something to do with his teeth. His diapers have been particularly pungent, resulting in a minor but persistent rash. At times it is clear that he is in a lot of pain. I feel for the little fellow and am doing all I can with teethers, ice, teething tabs, and the occasional dose of Tylenol.

Breakfast in Bed

Leland had his second hair cut this month. His first hair cut was at 19 months and I only let her cut the back. This time, we cut all over. I we feeling guilty at how hot he looked when he played outside and got really sweaty. I know he has to be more comfortable with less hair up top. I cringed as she snipped the long hairs up top but have concluded that his little boy hairstyle is very handsome on him.


One cold day in May...

Leland’s biggest strides are again in his verbal skills. He is using pronouns and verbs regularly. He is putting together multi-word sentences and he is telling me about things that happened in the past such as earlier that day at school. Leland can count to ten (with a little assistance), can name several shapes, and can name several colors. He is also saying names of friends, teachers, etc. much more frequently- including occasionally saying his own name. And...best of all.....he is singing a lot!

There is nothing sweeter than Leland belting out "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" as we ride to school in the morning. Right now, his favorite songs are "Twinkle, Twinkle", the alphabet song, and "Frere Jacques" I also had the opportunity to sit in on one of his Spanish classes (they have Spanish three mornings a week for 30 minutes at his school) and got to hear him sing in Spanish as well. I love that he is singing songs in three languages!

Train!
(first black eye)

Leland’s favorite toys right now are balls, trucks and trains, his shape sorter, and books. He recently discovered "Red Fish Blue Fish" and "I’ll Love You Forever". With much practice I can now make it all the way through "I’ll Love You Forever" without tearing up. Other favorite books are the Very Hungry Caterpillar, a Seek & Find Thomas book, Curious George books, and Goodnight Baby.

Overall, a really wonderfully, blessed month! God is good!

“I’m Me”

Recently Robert has been working on pronouns with Leland. Leland is doing a great job identifying himself as “me” and others as “you”. He will see our reflection, point to me in the refection and say “you”.

The best – and cutest part – is this now regularly occurring conversation:

“Leland, who are you?”

“I’m Me!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s these little things. Little moments. Little achievements. They make motherhood so sweet. I know I don’t have a true reference point in that I’ve never parented as a “fertile” woman. But I really believe that all the hurdles on my path to motherhood have made me more perceptive of the miracle of every laugh, every word, and every discovery. If you are still jumping your hurdles (or tripping over them), keep running because it is so worth it! And know that we are cheering you on!