There has been a lot going on lately, keeping me busy and away from blogging. I hope to update on the on-goings of life soon, but wanted to first set out some of the thoughts that relate back to my friend’s joyous announcement at my birthday dinner.
First, there is the logical, think-things-through side of me. I reasoned that I had forced her hand...put her on the spot...after all I had just offered her a margarita. And we are close friends so I wouldn’t have wanted her to lie or to hide it from me. I clung to this rationale for a while. Until I realized that Robert and I were the last to know. She had announced to everyone else (in our circle of friends) previously that week. I also discovered that she came that night with the intent to announce to us. After more thought than I ever should have given this I have concluded that some people really do not get it.
Putting aside the think-it-through, "me-focused" rationale, has given way to some perspective. I would find myself driving down that road, playing scenarios in my head - ways the announcement could have been handled better or things I could have said differently - and then my thoughts would drift to more pressing matters in my own life and in the lives of those I love. I would think about my dad and how his condition is progressing significantly; I would think about my mom who struggles each day to find the strength and courage to care for my dad; I would think about (multiple) friends of mine whose parents are fighting cancer; I would think about friends and acquaintances who have recently suffered miscarriages and failed transfers. The heartache, the loss, the worry. All overwhelming in comparison. A healthy dose of perspective.
My perspective was put to a test this past weekend. My cousin announced she is pregnant. Overall, I had a very positive response to her announcement. I’m not sure if it was the different circumstances of the announcement, the fact that I know she has had a prior loss, the fact that although younger than me she is not in my cohort and thus not someone with whom I compare myself. Either way, I am happy for her. And it feels good to be happy for her.
First, there is the logical, think-things-through side of me. I reasoned that I had forced her hand...put her on the spot...after all I had just offered her a margarita. And we are close friends so I wouldn’t have wanted her to lie or to hide it from me. I clung to this rationale for a while. Until I realized that Robert and I were the last to know. She had announced to everyone else (in our circle of friends) previously that week. I also discovered that she came that night with the intent to announce to us. After more thought than I ever should have given this I have concluded that some people really do not get it.
Putting aside the think-it-through, "me-focused" rationale, has given way to some perspective. I would find myself driving down that road, playing scenarios in my head - ways the announcement could have been handled better or things I could have said differently - and then my thoughts would drift to more pressing matters in my own life and in the lives of those I love. I would think about my dad and how his condition is progressing significantly; I would think about my mom who struggles each day to find the strength and courage to care for my dad; I would think about (multiple) friends of mine whose parents are fighting cancer; I would think about friends and acquaintances who have recently suffered miscarriages and failed transfers. The heartache, the loss, the worry. All overwhelming in comparison. A healthy dose of perspective.
My perspective was put to a test this past weekend. My cousin announced she is pregnant. Overall, I had a very positive response to her announcement. I’m not sure if it was the different circumstances of the announcement, the fact that I know she has had a prior loss, the fact that although younger than me she is not in my cohort and thus not someone with whom I compare myself. Either way, I am happy for her. And it feels good to be happy for her.
1 comment:
That is so spot on. Some people just don't get it. They don't mean to rub your face in their fertility- they just want to share their happy news.
I wanted to be happy for those people. And really, I was. I was just sad for us.
Prayers and Godspeed!
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