Leland is my child, my son. I am his mother. I carried him, thus I am his biological mother. But, I am not his genetic mother. Robert his not his genetic father. This fact does not affect my role as his mother, not does it make me any less his "real mother"....but it is in fact, a fact.
Generally, we are open and shared this information with most of our friends and family. More specifically, our doctors clearly know as it is important information for medical purposes. Since it’s not a secret, why do people seem to forget?
This past Sunday, my primary care doctor (she goes to our church) said something to this affect. She said, "Leland looks like a perfect mix of both you and Robert." When I hear statements like this I find myself pondering the meaning, the implication, of the statement. Did she mean...
...I forgot that Leland is not genetically related to you. He look so much like you two.
...I know Leland is not genetically related to you, but still it is amazing how much he does look like you two.
...I forgot that Leland is not genetically related to you and I can’t seem to find any features you share in common with him so therefore he must such a mix of your genetics.
In analyzing all of this I realize that the more important question is why I actually ponder all of this so throughly. Shouldn’t I appreciate and be happy that other people forget that our family was built through less traditional methods?
Having given this much though, I believe it is because I am proud of the story God has written for our family. Also, I see embryo adoption as such a fundamental aspect of Leland’s identity that I am bothered by people who dismiss that aspect or our story / his identity.
Do you ever encounter "forgetful" people? How do you respond?
Generally, we are open and shared this information with most of our friends and family. More specifically, our doctors clearly know as it is important information for medical purposes. Since it’s not a secret, why do people seem to forget?
This past Sunday, my primary care doctor (she goes to our church) said something to this affect. She said, "Leland looks like a perfect mix of both you and Robert." When I hear statements like this I find myself pondering the meaning, the implication, of the statement. Did she mean...
...I forgot that Leland is not genetically related to you. He look so much like you two.
...I know Leland is not genetically related to you, but still it is amazing how much he does look like you two.
...I forgot that Leland is not genetically related to you and I can’t seem to find any features you share in common with him so therefore he must such a mix of your genetics.
In analyzing all of this I realize that the more important question is why I actually ponder all of this so throughly. Shouldn’t I appreciate and be happy that other people forget that our family was built through less traditional methods?
Having given this much though, I believe it is because I am proud of the story God has written for our family. Also, I see embryo adoption as such a fundamental aspect of Leland’s identity that I am bothered by people who dismiss that aspect or our story / his identity.
Do you ever encounter "forgetful" people? How do you respond?
1 comment:
Hmmm, I think I'm guilty of this. In some pictures, Leland does look like one or the other of you (same is true for adopted children, children of sperm donors, etc). Except for that blond hair! It's not that I forget, it's more that I'm remarking on how fate works sometimes. And also assuming that parents want their children to look like them, and so it is a positive thing to point out.
How should I say it? Say nothing? Or "isn't it nice that he turned out to look like you? funny how that works" or something like that?
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