Recently, Robert and I watched the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting". The movie follows several expectant parents on all spectrums, from the unplanned pregnancy, to the tried for years to conceive pregnancy, to the expectant adoptive parents. I had seen the movie before - and while not perfectly depicted, it does handle issues of infertility in a real and raw way. Robert, having not seen the movie, had expected it to be all laughs and was surprised by some of the tough topics addressed.
After watching the movie, we had an interesting discussion about GUILT and infertility. Guilt, I believe, is a common emotion associated with infertility. Robert even admitted to having struggled with some guilt along our infertility journey - even though there is nothing wrong with his reproductive abilities. I on the other hand admitted....
I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. I NEVER HAVE.
Of all the emotions infertility has brought out in me - fear, grief, frustration - guilt is just not one I have felt. I even stopped seeing a counselor once because she insisted my disinterest in sharing my infertility publicly was a product of guilt. I insisted I didn't feel guilty and just wasn't ready to share. I'm pretty sure she just assumed I am was in denial about my guilt.
So, why don't I feel guilty? Because it's not my "fault". I have premature ovarian failure - it's not a fault, it's just the way God made me. Likewise, God has planned my family though embryo adoption. He has hand picked my children. My children are not a product of a fault for which I am guilty of. They are a product of God's beautifully perfect plan!
But what about guilt for preventing Robert from having genetic children? No guilt there either. Robert can have genetic children - with another woman or if we chose an egg donor. But, again, Robert is following God's plan for his life too. God picked me to be Robert's wife - that was not a mistake. And God chose to built Robert's family through embryo embryo adoption too. No mistakes. Nothing to be "guilty" about.
So my prayer for you is that if you are struggling with guilt is that you would turn to God. Give Him your guilt and ask Him to fill that space in your heart with the peace and reassurance of His perfect plan for your life and the lives of those you love.
After watching the movie, we had an interesting discussion about GUILT and infertility. Guilt, I believe, is a common emotion associated with infertility. Robert even admitted to having struggled with some guilt along our infertility journey - even though there is nothing wrong with his reproductive abilities. I on the other hand admitted....
I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. I NEVER HAVE.
Of all the emotions infertility has brought out in me - fear, grief, frustration - guilt is just not one I have felt. I even stopped seeing a counselor once because she insisted my disinterest in sharing my infertility publicly was a product of guilt. I insisted I didn't feel guilty and just wasn't ready to share. I'm pretty sure she just assumed I am was in denial about my guilt.
So, why don't I feel guilty? Because it's not my "fault". I have premature ovarian failure - it's not a fault, it's just the way God made me. Likewise, God has planned my family though embryo adoption. He has hand picked my children. My children are not a product of a fault for which I am guilty of. They are a product of God's beautifully perfect plan!
But what about guilt for preventing Robert from having genetic children? No guilt there either. Robert can have genetic children - with another woman or if we chose an egg donor. But, again, Robert is following God's plan for his life too. God picked me to be Robert's wife - that was not a mistake. And God chose to built Robert's family through embryo embryo adoption too. No mistakes. Nothing to be "guilty" about.
So my prayer for you is that if you are struggling with guilt is that you would turn to God. Give Him your guilt and ask Him to fill that space in your heart with the peace and reassurance of His perfect plan for your life and the lives of those you love.
***
I added this post to Lisa's Infertility Link Up over at Amateur Nester.
If you have a few moments, head over to check it out!
1 comment:
What a great post! Well spoken and a neat glimpse into your perspective on this matter. Thanks for sharing this!
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