Good doctors are hard to find...

I have a confession. Until last week, I had not had a Pap Smear in three years. I know, it's crazy. All the exams, scans, tests, and such. Sometimes it seems like a month couldn't go by without putting my feet in stirrups, but I had avoided the Pap Smear. Well, I wasn’t really avoiding the Pap. I was avoiding the OB/GYN.

In May of 2009, I had gone for a visit to my OB/GYN to discuss my hormone replacement therapy (HRT). In March of 2009, I had made the trip to the National Institute of Health (NIH) for their Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) / Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI) study. While at the NIH I had been placed on a HRT regiment. The doctor at the NIH - who had been studying POF since before I was even born - believes that his particular HRT regiment is the optimal combination for encouraging spontaneous pregnancy. He really stressed to me that if I did not get a period, I could be pregnant.

So in May of 2009, I followed up with my OB/GYN. I was concerned that the regiment was not quite right because I was not getting my period. Now, the thought of being pregnant had crossed my mind, but I was convinced it was the crazy talking. There had been plenty of other times that my mind had somehow been convinced I could be pregnant when I knew for certain I was not. When I was honest with myself, I knew it was just that my hormones need to be adjusted. Since I hadn’t had my period, my OB/GYN insisted on doing a pregnancy test. The result: POSITIVE. She did a happy dance (literally). I stared blankly at her in disbelief. She made phone calls to other OBs for advice on sustaining this pregnancy. I was still in disbelief. It was a Friday afternoon, so she scheduled a blood test for Monday morning.

I went home. In the foyer of our home, still dazed, I told my husband I was pregnant. He hugged me. All weekend, we had our little secret. We shared knowing looks. We made plans and just let the unbelievable news soak in. I consulted Dr. Goggle about the possibility of a false positive. Dr. Goggle said a false positive at the doctor’s office was practically impossible and I let myself start enjoying the wonderful news.

Monday, I had my blood test. Tuesday, I spoke with my OB/GYN office and they scheduled me for my first OB appointment on Thursday morning. Thursday morning, I sat in the OB/GYN office for the first time with all those big bellies, finally feeling like I belonged. But when I saw my doctor, she told be my blood test was NEGATIVE. She was sorry that she hadn’t had a chance to call me and that I that I had to make a trip into the office for nothing. I was ushered out the back door of the office in tears. The nurse who walked me out gave me a hug and told me to call her if I needed anything. When I called the next week for a copy of the record to take to my reproductive endocrinologist (RE), she acted like she did not know who I was or what lab record I was talking about.

I cried all summer. And my husband took the news even worse than me. My RE said that high LH levels (cause by the POF) can mimic HCG and can produce a false positive on a urine pregnancy test. So it was really was a false positive and not an early miscarriage. Still, it felt like a miscarriage. Sure, we hadn’t seen a heartbeat or felt a kick, but we’d been told  by a medical professional whom we trusted that I was pregnant. We’d begun to let ourselves dream. Making things so much harder was that was the summer that many, many of our friends became pregnant. One weekend, I found out three friends were pregnant.

I vowed to never go back to that OB/GYN. And honestly, I was scared to go see any other OB/GYN. I rationalized that Pap Semars weren’t really that important. I was not going to risk being misdiagnosed pregnant ever again. But last week, I did it. I had a Pap Smear. My high risk OB, whom I love, love, love and trust more that any doctor I have ever seen told me that I can stay on as his patient for GYN care. He will do my yearly Pap and address any GYN problems that fall outside the realm of my RE. I can finally relax, knowing that I have a competent doctor who understands all of my medical conditions. Finding a good doctor can be hard and it is such a blessing when you do.