Psalm 113

Have you read Psalm 113? Do you cling to verse 9?

"He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the Lord!"

 
I first took notice of this verse during the summer of 2010. I was attending an amazing women’s bible study group on a weekly basis. In additional to our lesson and prayer requests, we would read - aloud - though one chapter of Psalms each week. During one of the hardest and lowest point in our infertility journey, I heard this verse and felt God speak to me.

I have read this verse many times since then, now thankful for God’s fulfilled promise. But I am often left with the question, "what about the woman who wanted, but never got to have children?" Why wasn’t this promise fulfilled for her? After reading this verse responsively last Sunday in church I still don’t have an answer to these question, but I do have a new perspective on this chapter in Psalms.

1 Praise the Lord!
Praise, O servants of the Lord,
praise the name of the Lord!

2 Blessed be the name of the Lord
from this time forth and forevermore!

3 From the rising of the sun to its setting,
the name of the Lord is to be praised!

4 The Lord is high above all nations,
and his glory above the heavens!

5 Who is like the Lord our God,
who is seated on high,

6 who looks far down
on the heavens and the earth?

7 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap,

8 to make them sit with princes,
with the princes of his people.

9 He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the Lord!

It’s so easy to focus on that last verse. What a wonderful promise to those of us in desperate need of hope. But, now read through it again.

1 Praise the Lord!
Praise, O servents of the Lord,
praise the name of the Lord!

2 Blessed be the name of the Lord
from this time forth and forevermore!

3 From the rising of the sun to its setting,
the name of the Lord is to be praised!

4 The Lord is high above all nations,
and his glory above the heavens!

5 Who is like the Lord our God,
who is seated on high,

6 who looks far down
on the heavens and the earth?

7 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap,

8 to make them sit with princes,
with the princes of his people.

9 He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the Lord!

This chapter is full of one very clear command - Praise the Lord.

This command is not qualified by anything such as Praise the Lord ... when things are good...or...for the victories. Just simply, Praise the Lord - for everything, good or bad. Maybe you’ve studied this chapter before, but for me this was a profound realization to understand how God’s amazing promise is surrounded by the clear and powerful command to Praise the Lord.

EA #2 - Open Donation Agreement Costs

Once the sticker shock wore off regarding the home study fees with Bethany Christian Services, I called Debbie at the National Fertility Support Center. Debbie is absolutely wonderful. She walked us though our first embryo adoption in 2010 and I was so excited to call her and share the news that we were planning on returning to the NEDC for a second embryo adoption.

After a lot of catching up, I finally asked about the costs. What I learned was pleasantly surprising. Our fees will only be:

$1600 Open Donation Fee (Includes matches with 2 donor families)

AND

$150 Home Study Review Fee

This is much better than I expected. I also learned that if we needed more than two matches or if we returned for a third embryo adoption, the open donation fee would only be $900. These fees are about half the cost as those going for their first EA, which I believe to be $3000 for the open donation fee and $300 for the home study review.

With this information added to the budget, we were up to $3400 total in fees. And, having called Bethany and having called Debbie, the only thing left was to call the NEDC...

2 Years, 2 Months, 2 Weeks & 2 Days

I looked down at my breast feeding ticker on the sidebar today and realized that I had in fact been nursing for...

2 Years, 2 Months, 2 Weeks & 2 Days

As my ticker says, "Breast feeding is hard. God is faithful." One of the biggest lessons breast feeding Leland has taught me is to trust in the Lord for his provisions. My supply has always been very low. In the early months when I would struggle to provide even enough for just one day I would think about the story of the Israelites in the desert (Exodus 16). God told them to collect just enough Manna for the day and He promised to provide for them. By they got scared - and maybe a little greedy - and collected extra Manna against God’s command. The extra they had saved smelled and was filled with maggots. With this in mind, whenever I would become stressed about supply, I would focus on God’s promise to provide - day by day.

Interestingly, when Leland was about 4 ½ months, I had saved up a good supply of about 60 oz (enough for about 5 days of bottles for day care). I got bronchitis and was placed on an antibiotic that caused Leland to vomit (a lot!). By the time I realized it was the antibiotic that was making him vomit I had no idea which pumped milk was contaminated and which was not. (We had traveled to florida at the time and I had brought my stash resulting in the stash getting mixed together and me not knowing what days the milk had been pumped). In the end - I dumped 60 oz down the sink. To put this in perspective, because I only got 2-3oz per 30-45 minute pumping session, these 60 oz represented 15+ hours of pumping! But even after all of this - God still provided.

Which brings us to today. Currently, Leland is nursing 2-3 times per day. He would nurse about 5 times per day if I let him. Although a part of me will be sad to see our nursing relationship end, I believe I am ready. I would like to see him wean. Everyone tells me that he will do it when he is ready, but it doesn’t look like that will be anytime soon.

I do not want to end abruptly, but my attempts at gentle weaning have not worked. I have tried placing other activities during our nursing time, such as reading books. I have also got him excited about cow’s milk and drinking from a big boy cup (no lid) - and have tried to introduce this during our normal morning nursing session. And, I only nurse him when he asks. This worked for about 3-4 days. He actually went to bed without nursing three nights in a row. But then he caught on! He realized he just needed to ask - and he began asking to nurse several times a day.

So - I need advice - how do I encourage him to wean, without straight out denying him when he asks?

EA #2 - Building a Budget

We have begun planning our next Embryo Adoption (EA). As I write this I sense the irony of using the word "planning" for anything infertility related. Our plan is to return to the NEDC sometime next year - hopefully in the summer. Our first step on this EA journey is to make a budget. With that in mind, my first call was to our local Bethany Christian Services office.

Bethany completed our home study in 2010 so it seems to make sense to go back. We chose them originally because their costs at the time were competitive and they were connected to the national Bethany office which was handling the Open Donor Agreements at the time (this saved us a $300 review fee at the time).

The NEDC does not dictate which home study / adoption agency you use, but my though process is that Bethany may be better equipped than some others to handle the nuances of embryo adoption. I am however, interested to hear from other (especially those in GA) if they used another agency other than Bethany and what your costs were.

So here is the breakdown in costs:

$550 Application Fee +  $1600 Home Study Fee - $500 Returning Client Discount

                                      = $1650 Home Study Total

This total came with a bit of sticker shock. Our first home study through Bethany in 2010 was only $1250. To learn that their fee has increased $900 in just 3 years is crazy to me. Fortunately we will get the $500 discount, but wow!

For those who have completed a home study, is this amount consistent with what you have paid?

Lately

Life has been busy. Leland has settled back into school. Robert is setteling into his new role at work (he was promoted over the summer). I have found that as Leland is getting older I have more ability to get involved outside the home. I have recentlly accepted the position as MPO (like the PTO) President at Leland's school. I am volunteering with the middle school youth at our church. I am also finding time - some months - to attend a social event with my sorority alumnae association.

In addition to all of this, we have been having lots of fun. We spent last weekend visiting the inlaws to celebrate our nephew's first birthday. We got a special visit from Uncle Daniel with the Ambulance he drives.



Sliding with Cousin Trevor

Uncle Daniel



Uncle Daniel's Ambulance


The weekend before last, we went into downtown Atlanta for Dragon Con. Feel free to make fun of me and my geekiness. At the last minute I decided we should all dress up. It was crowded but we had a great time watching the parade, making hand pupets with the Atlanta Pupetry Arts, making a robotic hand with NASA scientists, and seeing a few celebrities. Leland also discovered PB&J sandwhiches, which he loves.

Dragon Con Parade

Batman, Batgirl & Robin!

The other big news is that Leland moved to a big boy, toddler bed. The first morning he woke up after we had made the change, Leland said, "daddy took my bed in half". It was hard for me to keep a straight face. He is doing great in his bed!

And finally, I actually do have some updates on our progress with our second EA, but I will post about that very soon. Prayers for all of you who have just transfered your little ones and for those who will in the next week or so!

The “Infertile” Fertile

Today I want to pay tribute to what I call the "infertile" fertile. She is different from the "fertile" infertile (those suffering from recurrent loss) and she is different from the infertile in that she is actually fertile. You may know her best as just your single girlfriend - the one who wants desperately to be a mom more than anything in the world.

She may be fertile, but she has no more power than us infertiles to plan and have a family on "her time" - rather, like us, she is on God’s time. To ask her "when are you going to get married" cuts through her the same as the question "when are you going to have a baby" cuts through us. To tell her there are lots of eligible men is equivalent to "why don’t you just adopt". She’s excluded from couple’s activities the way we are excluded from family activities.

And, yet, in many ways she has it harder than us. She has no partner to share in her sorrow. She feels she is two steps (husband + pregnancy) away from building her long-dreamed-of family. She prays and pleads with God just as many of us have and do.

It’s easy to overlook her longing, because she - assumably - has something we don’t have: functioning reproductive parts. Today I encourage you to show these ladies in your life grace and love. Pray for them, their hearts, their future spouse, and their future family.

~ ~ ~　

* This post is in no way meant to ignore or diminish the choice of some woman to parent alone. Rather, it’s reflective of the fact that most single woman I know either don’t want to parent alone or don’t feel called to do so. Also, just like infertility, this too can apply to men.

ICLW + 200th Post

After a several month hiatus I have joined back up with the August ICLW. If you are unfamiliar with ICLW, go here for more information. It’s really a great way to connect with other bloggers.

If you are here from ICLW - welcome. For a short recap of our journey, go HERE. Also check out the tabs at the top of the page for more information, such as my book reviews and my 30 Before 30 challenge.

As I mention above, this is also my 200^th post. Maybe I should have waited to share our Exciting News until this post? Instead, I will just share some fun blogging stats:

Date of 1^st Post: 8/4/2011
Date of 100^th Post: 6/18/2012
Total Page View to Date: 25,272
Followers: 30

I started this blog for the purpose of connecting with other embryo adoption moms. I had been following the blogs of other moms for a while, but did not feel connected. Once I stared blogging I felt the connections develop and now have many acquittances and even a few good friends as a result. And, thanks to ICLW, I even have a few blog friends outside the embryo adoption network.

Thanks for checking in!