Infertility Timing

I've once again entered the world of "infertility timing". You know the thoughts...

"If we take that trip in July ... and have successful May transfer .... can I manage the trip 12 (no maybe 13) weeks pregnant?...but if we need to transfer in July....would the trip interfere?"

"Let's sign up for that event in September. No wait....if we need to transfer in September...wouldn't that be about the time of the transfer?"

"Should I make those plans for June...but if I do who would give my shots assuming I get pregnant in May?...or what if I have a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage around then - would I be up to going"

"Should I fly or drive to the conference in July...wait...does the conference overlap with the July transfer dates...but then again maybe I'll be pregnant...and then would driving be too hard?"

"Let's plan a vacation for later this year....repeat all concerns listed above...Will the vacation conflict with a transfer.... Will I be too pregnant (positive thinking) by then to travel?"

I'm having to once again refocus myself on God's timing; having to resist the urge to plan way into the future; and having to accept that even when I do make plans, it's okay if they have to be changed. Repeat...reaffirm..."it is okay!"

Snow Day

We are snuggled in warm enjoying our rare snow day here in the south. We only get snow like this (actually sticks, more than .5 inches) every few years. Honestly, we haven't see snow like this since January 2011, when I was pregnant with Leland. That makes this Leland's very first snow!

In addition to some fun outdoor play, complete with snow angels and a hike to the community pond, we have had some fun indoor snow day fun too. My cousin Christine - the missionary in Honduras - was home for this month for the birth of her first niece. She was supposed to have dinner with us on Tuesday, but ended up spending the whole day Tuesday and sleeping over till today. In some ways it felt like our childhood sleepovers again, which was fun!

First, we made snow cream! We mixed 1 cup half and half (recipe called for milk, but we were low) with 1/2 cup sugar and 1tsp vanilla extract. The we stirred in 5-6 cups of fresh snow. Tasty!

Next, Christine taught me how to crochet a baby hat. It's a work in progress....

And the best part....we get another snow day tomorrow!

Our Embryo Story

I shared our exciting news last week, that we have matched and now have four beautiful embryos. Now, the full story.

When we decided it was time to pursue a second embryo adoption we knew we would return to the National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC) in Tennessee. We were very happy with them last time and have confidence in their views on sanctity of life. We will also receive some discounts on fees as a returning family. We will, however, be starting from square one since we had no remaining embryos from our first adoption.

The process at the NEDC is that you first get on their schedule for a mock transfer. While you are waiting for that appointment you finalize or update your home study. Then, after you are medically cleared at the mock transfer appointment, assuming your home study is complete, you go into the matching process. Transfers generally occur 2-3 months after the mock transfer appointment.

Our mock transfer is set for a March! So, how then have we already matched....?

God started writing this story back in 2010. I had my first mock transfer appointment on August 2, 2010. The appointment was awful! It hurt so badly and when it was all over Dr. Keenan said he thought I had a unicornate (deformed) uterus. He said my RE would need to do a HSG to know for sure if I did or did not have a deformed uterus. And, if my uterus was deformed as he suspected, I would be ineligible for the NEDC program.

I was crushed. We had come so far; endured so much; spent so much money on our home study, etc. to have our embryo adoption plans come to a halt. And, I knew that embryo adoption was what God was calling us to pursue. Feeling desperate and frustrated as I waited the several weeks until my HSG (it took 3 weeks to have an HSG done because of where my RE wanted me in my cycle), I looked for answers and options. It was then that I founds the site Miracles Waiting. I registered and created a profile - I felt torn as I did this, desperately wanting to continue with the NEDC, but terrified I would be ineligible. The $130 I spent to join Miracles Waiting seemed small at the time in my desperation.

Thankfully, my HSG showed that my uterus was not deformed and looked perfect. And as such, we preceded forward with the NEDC, ultimately transferring three embryos on November 16, 2010, and giving birth to Leland on July 3, 2011.

Fast-forward to the fall of 2013. We decided 2014 would be the right time to adopt embryos again. Knowing how long the wait can be we set our mock transfer appointment with the NEDC and we collected all the information needed to set a budget and to update our home study. In this season of waiting I couldn't help but peak at Miracles Waiting again.  Even just peaking at, it I felt torn. A private adoption, if we could even find a donor, would be so much cheaper. But, still I really felt called to return to the NEDC. I would chastise myself for wanting to look, but I just couldn't help myself. I reasoned that I look at home listings sometimes even though I don't want to move. No harm in looking, right?

As I browsed the donor profiles, one caught my attention. They had four embryos and they hadn't used donor eggs or sperm. And....the embryos were already at the NEDC! I talked to Robert about it and we prayed about it. After a week or so I emailed them. The posting was already over six months old, so I wasn't sure it I would even get a response. Kindly they did reply - they had already choose a recipient.

Knowing it was a long shot and that we were still on track with the NEDC, I really wasn't sad or disappointed to hear that they embryos were no longer available. Yet, they still stayed on my mind. Then...out of nowhere...they emailed us. Their recipient's clinic could not handle embryos frozen 15 years ago. They asked if we were still interested. Over the next two months we emailed, exchanged photos, and talked on the phone. Then in November we verbally agreed this was a match and drafted our open donation agreement.

Then...after some delays with the holidays...we finally had the signed contract in our hand the first week of January! We have embryos!!!

We have been blessed by this unusual path to embryos in so many ways. One surprise blessing has been getting to know our donors so early in the process. We have an open relationship with Leland's genetic family, but our contact has been very minimal. Getting to know our donors now feels like a better foundation for a stronger relationship going forward. And, as a result it has spurred my desire to know Leland's genetic family more and we have had a lot more contact with them recently as well.

Big News...

I promised to share our news today, but I've got a stomach bug and I'm not really up to writing much. But I did promise...so here goes:

We Matched! We have embryos!!!

If you know much about the NEDC protocol, you know matching doesn't usually happen until after the mock transfer appointment. Our story is a little different and such a blessing. Stay tuned for the full story.

Answered Prayers

God answers prayers. He tells us that; He promises us that. He answers prayers in ways greater than we can imagine. And still, I am unbelievably humbled when He answers my prayers.

Every night I pray for Leland. I used to do it silently while he was nursing. But now I say them aloud after reading books and singing to Leland at bed time. I often pray that, even at such a young age, Leland would be a blessing to others and that through blessing others they would see God’s love for them through Leland. God has answered this prayer in a way I had not envisioned when praying. God has blessed me through Leland; shown me His love though Leland.

My dad passed away around 7:00pm on December 8th, shortly after he had fallen asleep. My mom was by his side. That morning he had been placed on immanent status with hospice. At the time Robert, Leland and I had run out to pick up a few groceries. We got a call to come home quickly when we were just a few minutes from the house - I knew what that meant. When we arrived home, Robert took Leland upstairs to get ready for bed. And I went downstairs to my mom; to the news. The next half hour is a blur, but eventually I composed myself and went upstairs to tuck Leland into bed.

I dried my eyes. I took lots of deep breaths. I put on a smile, or at least tried. Leland needed normalcy; he needed to not be worried about his Mama. As I walked into his bedroom, Leland handed me a little card and said "it fell off." He was referring to a tag from a homemade teddy bear he had acquired at a church yard sale we had stopped at a few months before. I cringed when they handed the bear to him at the yard sale - he didn’t need another stuffed animal; he didn’t need more clutter; and honestly he really hasn’t touched it since that day.

But that night, an hour after my dad had passed away, I walked into his room and he handed me this:

 

Answered prayers. Isn’t our God awesome.

And so it begins...

Over the last few months we have laid the ground work to get moving towards our next embryo adoption. We did a few things last fall, such as getting on the NEDC mock transfer schedule; but, since the start of the year things feel like they have really started moving along...

- I’ve had my STD testing completed for the NEDC

- I called the nurse to get my medication protocol set for the NEDC mock transfer. I’ll start Provera on February 3^rd (to induce a bleed) and then I’ll start the Estrace on the first day of bleeding - probably about February 12^th.

- I’ve filled my Estrace prescription

- I’ve made calls to the NEDC financial office and my insurance company, verifying diagnostic codes, procedure codes, etc. trying to decide if I should have the NEDC attempt to file with my insurance company. We have BCBS and infertility coverage is limited to diagnostic - Any advice?

- I’ve had two preconception appointments with two different perinatologists, as the first one I met knew nothing about NAIT (my platelet antibody issue).

- I’ve had lab work drawn to test my platelet antibodies and my thyroid levels.

- I’ve had an appointment with a new OB/GYN who is in the companion practice to the first perinatologists I met. I’ve scheduled an appointment with another OB/GYN who practices at the same hospital as the second perinatologists I consulted.

Budget wise, I’ve spent...

$26.70 - 1^st Perinatologists Consult (we had met our 2013 deductible)
$200.87 - Estrace
$315.24 - 2^nd Perinatologists Consult
______
$542.81 TOTAL

So far I have been able to set the OB/GYN appointments up as wellness appointments and I was able to squeeze in the lab work in at the end of 2013, having already met our deductible. Saving money on both fronts!

On my to-do list are:

- Make hotel reservations for our mock transfer trip
- Coordinate childcare during our mock transfer trip
- Remind Robert to complete his STD testing
- Meet anther new OB/GYN (apt. is set for Jan. 30)

And...finally....share some BIG NEWS with you all!!! I know I’ve been stringing you all along with the promise of "big news" for about two months now, but I’ve been waiting on things to finalize before I was ready to share (plus life has been a little crazy lately). It’s now final and I promise to share this week - maybe on Sunday in honor of Sanctity of Life Sunday (hint, hint)!

Thanks for joining and supporting us on this journey!

The “Year of No Change”

Happy New Year! I’ve had a bit of radio silence here since my dad passed. Mostly I just don’t know what to write. My thoughts and emotions are in a constant state of change. Sometimes I can’t sleep and other times all I want to do is sleep. I find that I am inefficient and unproductive much of the day and as a result am behind at home, at work, and just behind in general in life. With the dawning of this new year I felt compelled to write, to reflect.

I declared 2013 the “Year of No Change”. I knew in making this declaration that I actually have very little control over change – change is in God’s hands (particularly since I desire to follow His lead) – and while avoiding change it was not my desire to become stagnant. I also knew, entering into 2013, that the one change I would likely face and which I would have no control over was the death of my dad.

The desire for “no change” comes from a history of many, many major life changes:

2004 (Age 20) – Engaged to Robert

2005- Graduated College; Started New Job; Quit Job; Moved; Started Law School

2006- Married Robert; Bought 1^st House; Moved; Started New Job; Robert Graduated College and Started New Job

2007- POF Diagnosis

2008- Robert Laid Off; Robert Started New Job; Graduated from Law School; Started New Job

2009- Robert Laid Off Again (beginning of 18 months unemployment); I Started Working a Second Job (teaching in evenings); Robert Started 2^nd Bachelor’s Degree Program (accounting)

2010- Robert Started New Job (teaching); Robert Started Master’s Degree Program (M.A.T.); Quit Job; Started New Job (new city); Bought 2^nd House; Moved; First FET / Pregnant with Leland

2011- Sold 1^st House; Leland Born

2012- Robert Graduated from Bachelor’s Degree and Master’s Degree Programs; Robert Started New Job; Bought 3^rd House; Became Landlords; Moved; Quit my Second Job (teaching in evenings); My Parents Move in With Us (12/10/12); Quit my Job and Accepted New Job to Start in 2013

2013 opened with my parent’s having moved in just three weeks earlier, me starting a new job and Leland starting a new school. Nearly a decade since we first got engaged, I found myself tired of moving, of changing jobs, and of change all together. I wanted to put down roots, unpack, see the fruits of my labor pay off rather than be left behind.

Mostly, by avoiding major life changes, I hoped to just have time to enjoy life. To spend time with – TO HAVE FUN WITH - Robert and Leland; And, to help and enjoy having my parents so close.

For the most part, my avoidance of change worked. There was no moving, no job changes, no graduations. And there was a lot of fun – trips to the beach, to the zoo, to the mountains. We played and explored. We attended parades, art walks, and other local events. We spent time with Nana and Granddaddy. We built lots of memories.

When my dad passed away on December 8^th, my almost-a-year of no changes came to an end. He’s gone. My mom is packing up – headed back to Florida for now (maybe indefinitely). Robert has been offered a new job at the same college where he works and is debating on whether or not to accept the offer or stay in his current position. Life can’t stand still forever, but I think (hope) I am ready to embrace these changes as we move into 2014. And here’s to hoping that 2014 – with all of its certain changes – brings with it lots of baby dust!