The “Year of No Change”

Happy New Year! I’ve had a bit of radio silence here since my dad passed. Mostly I just don’t know what to write. My thoughts and emotions are in a constant state of change. Sometimes I can’t sleep and other times all I want to do is sleep. I find that I am inefficient and unproductive much of the day and as a result am behind at home, at work, and just behind in general in life. With the dawning of this new year I felt compelled to write, to reflect.

I declared 2013 the “Year of No Change”. I knew in making this declaration that I actually have very little control over change – change is in God’s hands (particularly since I desire to follow His lead) – and while avoiding change it was not my desire to become stagnant. I also knew, entering into 2013, that the one change I would likely face and which I would have no control over was the death of my dad.

The desire for “no change” comes from a history of many, many major life changes:

2004 (Age 20) – Engaged to Robert

2005- Graduated College; Started New Job; Quit Job; Moved; Started Law School

2006- Married Robert; Bought 1^st House; Moved; Started New Job; Robert Graduated College and Started New Job

2007- POF Diagnosis

2008- Robert Laid Off; Robert Started New Job; Graduated from Law School; Started New Job

2009- Robert Laid Off Again (beginning of 18 months unemployment); I Started Working a Second Job (teaching in evenings); Robert Started 2^nd Bachelor’s Degree Program (accounting)

2010- Robert Started New Job (teaching); Robert Started Master’s Degree Program (M.A.T.); Quit Job; Started New Job (new city); Bought 2^nd House; Moved; First FET / Pregnant with Leland

2011- Sold 1^st House; Leland Born

2012- Robert Graduated from Bachelor’s Degree and Master’s Degree Programs; Robert Started New Job; Bought 3^rd House; Became Landlords; Moved; Quit my Second Job (teaching in evenings); My Parents Move in With Us (12/10/12); Quit my Job and Accepted New Job to Start in 2013

2013 opened with my parent’s having moved in just three weeks earlier, me starting a new job and Leland starting a new school. Nearly a decade since we first got engaged, I found myself tired of moving, of changing jobs, and of change all together. I wanted to put down roots, unpack, see the fruits of my labor pay off rather than be left behind.

Mostly, by avoiding major life changes, I hoped to just have time to enjoy life. To spend time with – TO HAVE FUN WITH - Robert and Leland; And, to help and enjoy having my parents so close.

For the most part, my avoidance of change worked. There was no moving, no job changes, no graduations. And there was a lot of fun – trips to the beach, to the zoo, to the mountains. We played and explored. We attended parades, art walks, and other local events. We spent time with Nana and Granddaddy. We built lots of memories.

When my dad passed away on December 8^th, my almost-a-year of no changes came to an end. He’s gone. My mom is packing up – headed back to Florida for now (maybe indefinitely). Robert has been offered a new job at the same college where he works and is debating on whether or not to accept the offer or stay in his current position. Life can’t stand still forever, but I think (hope) I am ready to embrace these changes as we move into 2014. And here’s to hoping that 2014 – with all of its certain changes – brings with it lots of baby dust!