February

From following other’s infertility journey I have noticed that it is common to dread a certain time a year as it marks one more year of trying without success; one more year without a baby. Common times seem to be birthdays, Christmas, or the anniversary of the time of year they started trying to conceive (TTC). Looking back I never really faced birthday or Christmas with dread. Not even Mother’s Day got me down because I had always seen it as a day to honor my mother, nothing more. And we don’t have a TTC anniversary because conception with Premature Ovarian Failure is practically impossible. But for some reason February has always held some power over me.

I remember around the end of 2009, telling Robert that I just had to be pregnant by February of 2011. I did not understand the deadline, but I felt very strongly about it. Going into our transfer in November 2010, I kept thinking if this isn’t successful, we have one more try to meet the February 2011 deadline. Thankful our first transfer was a success. But why February?

I have reflected on this often, and the only milestone in February is my dad’s birthday. (I don’t think Valentine’s Day would have any effect). My dad will be 70 on February 22, 2012. His physical health is good, but he is struggling with an unspecified dementia, with some indication that it may be Parkinson’s Disease. My dad is my world and my hero and I think February must have held such a power over me because I wanted my dad to be here when my children are born. My granddaddy (my dad’s dad) was an incredible man, but he died before I was born. I never wanted that for my children. I want my dad to know my children and my children to know my dad. And I am so thankful that they will have that opportunity to know one another. Still I fear that Leland may be too young to remember or really know my dad if my dad only lives a few more years.

In honor of my dad’s 70^th Birthday, I am planning a party with a sit-down lunch for about 40 people in my hometown. It’s a little overwhelming, but I am really happy to be able to do thing for my dad. Best of all I am hoping to get all four of my sisters / half-sisters and me together with my dad for this event. Only once before has my dad seen all five of his daughters together at one time. And it will be an opportunity for the three of my sister who have not yet met Leland to meet him. I’m tired from all the prep, but really looking forward to spending time with family to honor my dad.