Hungry, Hungry Hippo

So it’s been eleven days since my last post and I am still just so busy. Shouldn’t January be a slow month? I have decided to pick up on my updates with Leland’s eating since it is the biggest development for him right now.

We started solids on December 24^th with sweet potatoes. I wanted to use the Baby Led Weaning method. I read the book and had really high hopes for the method. Leland did not agree. He just lacks the motor skills to get the food to his mouth on his own. This would be okay if he was not so interested in actually eating, but was rather content to mainly explore the food. Since he wants to actually eat it, but can’t, he gets mad. So we ditched Baby Led Weaning and went straight to purees. Though, I have still tried to keep some of the principles of Baby Led Weaning. I have made him and bought him purees that are chunkier and I will mix oatmeal or actual rice in with his food. This helps him practice chewing and moving solids in his mouth, rather than just slurping down the puree. I also let him “help” with the spoon when he tries and I allow him to touch the food even though it makes a mess.   

For the first week, Leland ate once a day at dinner (about 6 PM). We then added in a late lunch (about 2PM). Just last week we added in a late breakfast (about 10 AM). So here is what his daily intake looks like:

5:30 AM – nursing

8:30 AM – 4oz bottle of breast milk

10:00 AM – 3-6oz of food

12:00 PM – nursing + 4oz bottle of breast milk

2:00 PM – 3-6oz of food

3:30 PM - 4oz bottle of breast milk

6:00 PM – 3-4oz of food

6:30 – nursing / bath / nursing

7:30 - asleep

*These are rough times. I am actually still feeding him on demand, but he is pretty consistent most days*

If you’re keeping count, Leland nurses 3-4 times a day for a total of about 2 hours. He takes 12 oz total in the bottles at daycare. And he is eating about 10-16 oz of food a day. Wow! It was like right after New Year’s something clicked and the boy was just hungry. I really can’t believe how much he is eating at times. But I feel good about following his cues. Sometimes he will eat 8 oz in a sitting. Other times he takes 2 bites and is done. He’s never been shy about letting you know that he wants to eat or that he isn’t done eating yet. Because of this, if he is hungry, I feed him. And if he’s not hungry, I don’t encourage him to eat. It seems to be working well and he sure is growing.  

I love that I am still nursing him. It is one of the best parts of my day. One thing that is empowering about nursing is it is something no one else could do. When I was first thinking about going back to work I was panicking that Leland would bond with his daycare teacher(s) more than me. If you do the math he spends about 6 ½ hours of his day with me and about 7 ½ hours of his day at daycare. If his teacher could feed him, rock him, and play with him just as I could, where did that leave me? I know, an irrational fear, but a fear none the less. Nursing gave me something that no one else could do; a way to bond that no one else could bond.

As much as I love nursing, it has been a struggle. I went into nursing with the expectation that it would be hard. I did this so that if it was easy I would be pleasantly surprised and if it was hard, I would be prepared to not give up. I have to honestly say that I was not prepared for how hard it has been. I had this idea that even though my body had failed me in the creating a baby department, it had mostly rocked at the growing a baby thing…so feeding a baby should be no harder than it is for other “normal” women…right?

After producing almost no milk at all (and having to supplement with formula from about two weeks to about four weeks of age), I saw my reproductive endocrinologist (RE). He acted shocked that I was actually breastfeeding and asked if I was having difficulty. He explained that because of my Premature Ovarian Failure my body had almost zero Estrogen and at least some Estrogen is needed to produce milk. He stared me on 1mg of Estrace twice daily. He said I could take it for a few months “unopposed” –meaning without also taking Progesterone. But unopposed estrogen carries risks (cancer, etc.) and I should come back and see him in three months or so. I saw him again on December 28^th. I did a nasty round of Provera to clean out my uterine lining and I have “clearance” to continue the Estrace for another 3 months. But then he really wants me to stop.

I don’t want to stop. I had intentions of breastfeeding exclusively for a year and then continuing breastfeeding maybe even as long as two years (mostly bedtime feedings) or whenever Leland seemed ready to stop. When I think about stopping breastfeeding, the rational part of me mourns the bonding time. The irrational part of me is convinced that stopping is the equivalent of starving my child. Right now I am taking it one day at a time and I will have a serious discussion about the pros and cons with my doctor in March or April (probably April).

As I have mentioned before, I know that God will provide and He will not let Leland go hungry. Sometimes I think that is part of why Leland is such a big fan of solid foods – God made him that way. Some babies transition to food faster and easier, while others shy away from it. I think Leland being a good eater will make the transition away from breastfeeding, whether that’s sooner or later, a little easier. Whatever the outcome, I know God will provide.