Today I am feeling like a bad mom.
I’ve been a little MIA as to blogging lately partially because it’s a busy time of year, but mostly because we have all been so sick. A stomach virus made its way though out household. The vomiting only lasted a few days, but Leland had 10 days worth of diarrhea. During the stomach virus, Leland regressed from waking once a night to nurse to waking four to five times per night to nurse – that’s about every two hours. I felt like I had a newborn again and have become a walking zombie with exhaustion induced mood swings. While he was sick, I had to check on him immediately when he woke up because sometimes he was awoken by vomiting or by a very full diarrhea diaper that had to be changed. I just couldn’t wait and see if he fell asleep on his own.
So last night, having fully conquered the stomach virus and convinced the night waking had to stop to save my sanity, I let him cry for 20+ minutes trying to fall back to sleep on his own. It wasn’t hysterical crying, but rather persistent fussing. But I still felt just awful. And in the end…when the fussing turned to actual crying…I gave in and nursed him back to sleep. I’m just not a cry-it-out fan, but I’m also at a bit of a loss as to how to solve the nighttime waking dilemma.
Then today at lunch, I nursed him to sleep. When I laid him on his mat he promptly woke up. I nursed him for another 30 minutes, rocking him, patting him, caressing him and praying he would fall back to sleep. When I finally had to leave to go back to work he was wide awake, screaming hysterically, and reaching out to me - begging me not to go. I felt horrible.
So I’m having a “bad mom” day and it really sucks!
3 comments:
I am glad you are over the stomach bug. I am sorry your little one was so upset. I am probably the wrong one to consult. I have an almost 14month old who still get up to nurse once a night on most nights. Even though I am a bit tired, I am used to it and I know that someday soon she will grow out of this like the rest of the kiddos did. I think it is God's plan for me and nursing as I tend to lose my milk without at least 4 feedings a day. So, even though 2 a.m. is not my favorite and best time of day, I know that I will have a milk supply the next day and as I said, in a few months, this season of our special cuddle time together will be a thing of the past. I treasure this time with Sarah, even in the weary times. I hope you find what works best for you!
I have missed your posts! Like the previous commenter, I'm not one to talk, as J still wakes up at night (just to walk from his room into ours and climb in our bed). But my overall experience has been that he goes through phases of waking a lot and then phases of sleeping well. So hopefully Leland will re-enter a good sleep phase soon.
Any my guess is that many of the people who are big cry-it-out fans have kids who really just fussed, not all-out screaming. I don't know. But it never would've worked for J.
How are things today?
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